i can try

i can try to tell you what it means to barely remember:

the film reel in my mind is flawed and blurred and discolored.
your touch. your name. your voice.
all fading.
little pins pricking my heart just to remind me.
the love once.
oh yes.
the love.
ticks and flickers are moving pictures of you.
your face. your lips. your eyes.
oh hello. oh goodbye.

what does it matter?
i barely remember.

Use your words.

one week of classes has gone by.
this week was beautiful. full of freezing cold and snow and grey and now I look out and there's beautiful rain.
days like today just make me live a little more vividly.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about.
The other day, I tweeted (I have a twitter. not I'm not going to tell you what my name/thing is, and no, I'm not proud of it) a Bible verse. After I had done so, I experienced a nice feeling. It's the same feeling I get every time I share a hymn on Facebook or write about Jesus on here.
It's like a "yes! I'm sharing my faith!" feeling.
The sad truth is, that feeling is so artificial. It's not satisfying. When I use social media to promote my word view, it's doing just that. It's promoting my ideologies and beliefs. It's not really "sharing" my faith.

This thought causes me to be overwhelmed with my own inability to really tell someone about the hope that I have.
I used to think (and say, quite often...which, when you really think about it, is quite ironic): "preach the gospel, and when necessary, use words." I would live by that. So when I shared something or (more recently) tweeted something, it was like an extra credit project. My thought process was seriously and totally "I live out my faith, so writing about it is basically going the extra mile." OH MAN, how deceived I have been.

Since the beginning of Humanity (and most likely before) God has used words. That has been his way of communicating. His actions have been the affirmation and an accessory of His words. While on earth, Jesus was all about personally communicating His truths and mercies and lessons to people. Physically (more or less) speaking to people has always been God's way. So where do I get off?! Thinking that I can just keep quiet and be satisfied with that. SHEESH.

Last night at Cru, the leader read this passage:
   
   And I saw the Holy City, new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. Ad I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."And He who was seated on the throne said, "Behold I am making all things new." Also He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
                                                                                             -Revelation 21:2-5

That is what our life on this earth amounts to, points to, and rejoices in. The Lord describes the most incredible picture of complete satisfaction and just when you think He's done He adds: "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

I guess this whole post boils down to three points:

If you belong to Christ, the trustworthy and true message that you believe in is too gorgeously fulfilling to keep to yourself

Preach the Gospel, and (because it is always necessary) use words. God did, so we should too.

(I feel like this last point could be a whole other post) Your actions are the affirmation of your words. They accessorize your life. They are the physical illustrations that accompany your Spiritual story.


                   

reel cinema

(did you like the pun?)

i rarely ever write about movies. or talk about movies. or really enjoy movies.
i'm just not a movie person.
however, the last few months, i have seen some absolutely beautiful films...and i'd like to tell you about them.

Les Miserables
so i'm not going to say too much about this, but it is (without a doubt) one of the most redeeming films released ever. it provides an accurate picture of what a man's life looks like with Christ. it's difficult and full of tribulations, but it is good. the singing was pretty nice too.

The Fall
i watched this movie (yesterday) initially because it had Lee Pace in it and i love him. as the opening credits played, i saw that Spike Jonze co-directed it. at that moment, i knew i was in for something great. the film takes a lot of patience and is a little hard to follow. halfway through it, i got used to the exotic quality of the visuals and was able to enter the psychological turmoil of the main character.
i sobbed at the end of this movie. it's almost embarrassing.

Blood Daimond
i watched this because Chad told me to. it is a wonderful example of how art and entertainment can spread awareness of global injustice and inspire action. it also made me like Leonardo DiCaprio a lot more than i did before.

Perks of Being a Wallflower
this. this book was one of the most difficult little paperback novels i read in high school. i read it once, but have thought about it for the last few years. when i watched the film adaptation (the screenplay was written by the original author) i was impressed at how well done it was. it was not a typical teen drama. it was not too light-hearted. it wasn't as gritty as the book, either (which created a very pleasing experience overall). it was just plain good.

the thing that all of these films have in common is their ability to express real issues and create real situations within a fictional setting. i admire that. my biggest complaint with most movies (and literature and music) is that they mask the truth of life in a shallow attempt to make it more palatable.  the depth is gone. too often, the depth that the public spend time discussing, isn't really there at all. it is merely perceived depth. a desperate attempt to make the entertainment somehow "worthwhile". however, in these films (and many more, i'm sure), the depth is something tangible  the emotions are very real. the fiction is not masking truth, but exposing and expressing it in a visual experience. the feelings are not just fillers to get to the next dramatic battle sequence or love scene. well done films create feelings that are necessary and important. the actor may be acting, but the feelings and sentiments expressed are things that i (and i'm sure many of you) have felt quite acutely.

so i guess that's all.
i should probably put a disclaimer on this: not all of these films are suitable for all ages. in fact, almost all of them are very heavy and i wouldn't recommend them to anyone younger than high school aged.

fevered thursday

i feel like i gush a lot about certain artists. i praise them too much, perhaps.
but there's something about some of them.
when i listen to their music (regardless of the day, weather, or season) something happens.
it's this feeling that's born in the very center of myself and then it grows and grows outwards.
it's not happy.
it's not sad.
it's home.
it's sunlight, starlight, and moonlight.
it's the glow of dawn and the veil of twilight.
it's petrichor.
it's summer and winter and spring and autumn.
it's christmas and my birthday and my funeral and my wedding.
it's like time all of a sudden stops or speeds up.
it's immeasurably large.
it's infathomably small.
it's calm and silent.
it's raucous and loud.

 i've spent today in my bed-feverish and unable to speak (aside from some croaking noises)
i've slept and i've dreamt and i've watch some old reruns of the office.
days like this slay me.
i feel like the whole day is absolutely wasted.
and yet, if i spend some of it listening to some truly good music, it's not wasted at all.

i should probably take some more gross medicine and hope that i don't sound like yoda tomorrow.

people always write that sentimental new year's post

so i've put this one off.
i've decided that i am not making any sort of resolutions this year. (except to appreciate purple more. i feel i've always overlooked it)
no projects. (except this book called "642 things to write about")
complete freedom.
complete release of all that was shackling me last year. (and previous years)

i want to treat this year like a sweet little infant.
it's clean, new, and i'm not going to assume anything about it.

all i know is:
it's going to sound like this

it's going to look like this

and it's going to be full of love and grace and peace.
and i will be condemned by my own heart no longer.

"for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart.
and He knows everything."

first john three, verse twenty