Lost in an uncharted sea...

four

2012-01-25T22:51:00.005-05:00

here's to sunshine,
and breaking the law in it.
here's to morning cold,
and the purples and pinks that it paints with.
here's to hot coffee, cold coffee,
and feeling infinite.
here's to sweet people with soft voices,
and the loud gigglers too.
here's to hoodies with soft linings,
and wearing the hoods up to look cool.
here's to today, to life,
and to being young.

I like writing in free verse.
because I'm a liberated woman and I do what I want.

Ellie the Elephant (three)

2012-01-21T22:12:00.006-05:00

Part of my 52 weeks is to try to do a drawing as many weeks out of the year as I can.
I really have been pretty lazy about that...

I made this book for my niece. I think that counts as a "drawing".
It was such a joy to make and I so look forward to reading it with her!

Three

2012-01-19T22:09:00.005-05:00

I know your type
you're the kind that walks with your head on straight
in spite of the war that's raging in your mind
I know you
you're the kind that bikes on rainy days
so you won't have to speak to anyone you may pass
so that you can just think. think. think.

you think too much
I know that too

I know your type
you're the kind that pleads with God to make you and your friends so
so much better
the type that rubs your rose-colored eyes with both your hands and whispers nightly
"help soandso know that hey're loved infinitely" and "help them live truly"
"really"
"fully"
you say this
all the while not at all feeling alive or loved

oh I know this too well
you see, I've been you before
you coffee drinker, late-night reader
you never-crier but intense feeler

I get it

I've walked that wooden path
I've gripped the metal with my hands as the wind whipped my face with my unkempt hair

I get it

I've stared at the waters, feeling a sick despair grow inside me
wanting, longing, yearning for someone to touch my shoulder and say

"don't jump" or "I love you" or just anything

I get it
I've been you
sometimes I still am

I know you, that's why I'm telling you now with my theoretical hand touching your shoulder

don't do it.

Anis Mojgani

2012-01-17T20:56:00.002-05:00

SHAKE THE DUST

this is for the fat girls
this is for the little brothers
this is for the schoolyard wimps
and for the childhood bullies that tormented them
for the former prom queen and for the milk crate ballplayers
for the nighttime cereal eaters
and for the retired elderly Wal-Mart store front door greeters
shake the dust

this is for the benches and the people sitting upon them
for the bus drivers driving a million broken hymns
for the men who have to hold down three jobs simply to hold up their children
for the night schoolers and for the midnight bike riders trying to fly
shake the dust

for the two year olds who cannot be understood
because they speak half English and half God
shake the dust
for the boys with the beautiful sisters
shake the dust
for the girls with the brothers who are going crazy
for those gym class wallflowers
for the 12 year olds afraid of taking public showers
for the kid who’s always late to class
because he forgets the combination to his locker
for the girl who loves somebody else
shake the dust

this is for the hard men who want love but know that it won’t come

for the ones who are forgotten
the ones the amendments do not stand up for
for the ones who are told speak only when you are spoken to
and then are never spoken to
speak every time you stand
so you do not forget yourself
do not let a moment go by that doesn’t remind you
that your heart beats thousands of times a day
and that there are enough gallons of blood to make every one of us an ocean
do not settle for letting these waves settle and for the dust to collect in your veins

this is for the celibate pedophile who keeps on struggling
for the poetry teachers and for the people who go on vacations alone

for the sweat that drips off of Mick Jagger’s singing lips
for the shaking skirt on Tina Turner’s shaking hips
for the heavens and for the hells through which Tina has lived

this is for the tired and for the dreamers
for the families that will never be like the Cleavers
with perfectly made dinners
and sons like Wally and the Beaver
this is for the bigots
for the sexists
for the killers
for the big house pen-sentenced cats becoming redeemers
and for the springtime
that always seems to show up right after the winters

this is for you

make sure that by the time the fisherman returns
you are gone again
because just like the days I burn at both ends
and every time I write every time I open my eyes
I am cutting out parts of myself just to give them to you
so shake the dust
and take me with you when you do
for none of this has ever been for me
all that pushes and pulls
it pushes for you
so grab this world by its clothespins
and shake it out again and again
and hop on top
and take it for a spin
and when you hop off
shake it again
for this is yours

make my words worth it

make this not just another poem that I write

not just another poem
like just another night that sits heavy above us all
walk into it
breath it in
let it crawl though the halls of your arms
like the millions of years of millions of poets
coursing like blood
pumping and pushing
making you live
shaking the dust
so when the world knocks at your door
clutch the knob tightly
and open on up
running forward into its widespread greeting arms
with your hands before you
fingertips trembling
though they may be

why. have I not known about this man sooner.
shake the dust.

Two

2012-01-15T21:59:00.002-05:00

a wise man once said these words about the garden-children:

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mudpies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

how true those words are. I am a half-hearted creature, wand'ring through the wilderness trying to find what I am to do in this world.
my heart beats half a beat.
my blood is only half-pumped.
I am left half-alive because I do not know what is real life.
I am too busy covering my self with the muck around me to focus on the glory above me.
I am a little mouse, scuffling through the dusty cracks in walls to my filthy home.
I am a masked raccoon, scrambling from the light with someone's leftover rubbish in my mouth.
I am a scaled snake, slithering on the ground, eating dust.
I was not created to be this way.
I was created to be a whole-hearted human.
with full heartbeats that sound strong and true.
with a heart that steadily pumps blood through my veins, causing me to live in joy and majesty with my King.
all of this I know.
what I do not know and I am asking You now is,
how am I supposed to find the other half of this heart of mine?

One

2012-01-13T20:25:00.002-05:00

apart of my 52 weeks project is trying to write at least one thing-any kind of "thing"-a week.
I'll share those "things" here. They won't be perfect and formulaic and stuff. They'll most likely be trains of thought. Just a warning.
this is from last week.

Sound crept from the corners of the small room until it was crowded with the warm strumming of a guitar. There she sat on his bed as he softly sung about being young. The grey sky clouded over until it was as dark as twilight-although it was just afternoon.
He cleared his throat as his thin fingers found their home on the strings. The crowded sounds caused the room to warm until the girl was rather drowsy. She leaned on his bed post and closed her eyes-letting the sounds caress her ears until she was quite asleep.
Making a sudden motion, he finished the song.
She breathed in deeply and, while rubbing eyes, softly exhaled "it's lovely."

opossum

2012-01-11T21:54:00.006-05:00

I found a dead opossum in my yard a couple weeks ago.
so me and my funny friends took pictures with it.
you know, nothing too crazy.

I'm starting my last semester of Chattanooga State tomorrow. I thought I would be bittersweet...but I'm not.
I cannot wait until I am done. I think they do a great thing there and help many people. I just can't take the oppressive spirit of it all. The attitude of most of the students is a dark and sort of confused flippancy. The other students are pretty desperate and school is their last-ditch effort.
It's heartbreaking.
I hope I can be a little light in the darkness.
and spread what my friend calls "Mary-ness" (I go by Mary there...it's my first name on the role) everywhere.
the beginning of the end. dun dun dunnnnnnn.

hello 2012

2012-01-02T21:53:00.003-05:00

This is who I spent my New Year's with. trust me, it was fun.

I'm welcoming the new year with open arms. I'm quite ready for things to progress in my life and this year holds many changes that will result in progressing.
I'm lucky to have few regrets (if any, really) from last year. I feel like 2011 was lived to the very fullest, in spite of the dark semester I had this fall. I'm not making any resolutions this year. I'm going to let things evolve naturally and just live and not talk about living as much. I hope that makes sense.
So happy new year. I hope last year was lovely. I hope this year will be even lovelier.

I am starting a 52 weeks project. Which I will update on my Flickr (there's a little thing up in the left corner)
A picture a week. I know I can handle that.

nostalgia

2011-12-30T20:07:00.004-05:00

nos·tal·gia [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
noun
1.
a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for her camp days.

the usual

2011-12-27T22:30:00.002-05:00

drinking coffee
reminiscing
listening to this

if you do what you do

2011-12-26T15:20:00.002-05:00

just a picture today.

title song

come swiftly and run

2011-12-24T16:22:00.004-05:00

Bring a torch, Jeanette, Isabella
Bring a torch, come swiftly and run
Christ is born tell the folk of the village
Jesus is sleeping in the manger
Ah, ah, beautiful is the mother
Ah, ah, beautiful is her Son.

Hasten now good folk of the village
Hasten now the Christ-child to see
You will find Him asleep in the manger
Quietly come and whisper softly
Hush, hush, peacefully now He slumbers
Hush, hush, peacefully now He sleeps.

crazy. cray cray. crazers.

2011-12-23T23:29:00.006-05:00

just because life is too short to be too boring.
superlative adventures are always an option.
hilarious movies that are only funny to the people making them are a must.
absolutely awful and mostly embarrassing pictures should be taken.
abbreviating words is totes never a good idea. never. teriyaki.
getting "golden monkey tea" smell waved at me is hilarious.
hollister is terrifying.
Taco Bell is delicious. not.
malls are awful.
Jenny and I spent practically a whole day there.
but that's to be expected...because we're crazy.
Christmas Eve is tomorrow.
expect a sentimental post or something.

#life

2011-12-21T12:57:00.003-05:00

There are some times when life is so vividly good, bad, or otherwise that you have to question: is this real?
The answer is twofold I think.
Yes, it's real. You're living life in the truest sense.
No, it's not real. You feel this way because you're getting a glimpse of eternity.
The first part of Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in man's heart..."
We were made for real life.

journal entry.

2011-12-19T17:59:00.004-05:00

December 14th, 2011
(I wrote this the day before my last final.)
I'm almost done with the worst semester of my life. I say that with complete and utter seriousness. This semester, more than anything, made me face my weakness. I cried more in the last three or so months than I have in the last three years. I've been incredibly lonely...I've given into my own temptations and lust. I've caused myself and my friends to stumble. I've been sad. terribly sad. Amongst all of this, I've been drawn closer to Christ than ever. Because I've been faced with my own neediness. I'm so needy. I need love. I need touch. I need people. I need purpose. I need sleep. I keep saying this about this semester- but God always provides. He has given me sweet times talking on the phone, road tripping, coffee timing, studying, dancing, with friends new and old, when I truly needed it...Taking 19 hours was a crazy thing to do. Beginning the semester thinking I could do it without my friends, family, and a Great God was positively insane. I have not been happy, but I have been reminded -through giggles, dried leaves, and poems-of the unending joy that I have in me and my Jesus. In spite of all dire circumstances.
So that's all...
Life will get better.

"Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows."
pg 42
The Great Divorce
C.S. Lewis

a few late-night thoughts

2011-12-13T00:37:00.002-05:00

I've said it over and over again, here and everywhere else: God provides exactly what you need. With finals taking over my life and the bittersweet taste of Nutcracker in my mouth, I spent much of today wondering why I even study. I became overwhelmed with the fact that I don't want to study or take tests or anything. I really just want to sit with friends and really enjoy their company-instead of having a small, mean-spirited, nagging ghost called "Exams" haunting me. I have a huge exam tomorrow. I was thinking about going to bed and just calling it a day, but something, I think my conscience, kicked in and shook me by the shoulders (figuratively, of course. it may be late, but I don't think I'm quite that insane) and said "Mary Emily Vatt. Study. You have the power and wisdom and peace of an eternal God in you. Don't fret. Just do what you do and He'll do what He does in you."

Crazy right?

God provides weird "Aha!" moments when you need them.

He also provides good phone parties, study parties, and gluten free finals snacks.
I am continuously and eternally blessed with the kindness of my friends. I just can't wait until I can completely enjoy them.
Oh well. Time to study some more.

nutcracker madness

2011-12-11T19:06:00.002-05:00

Nutcracker is:

Glitter.

Giggles.

Sniffling during snow scene because it's all so beautiful and this is your last year.

Balling backstage because you realize how much you adore the whole thing.

Snow. Throwing it. Stealing it. Watching Rhonda clean it up.

Lots of Rhonda jokes.

Taking pictures of the same people over again so that other people get the idea it's a four man show.

Fighting with my pretend little brother Fritz who's actually a girl named Gracie.

Going back to see my little cherubs and angels and being asked preposterous questions. My favorite was "Are you really a flower?"

Threatening to do crazy things with Amanda during school show. Only to giggle and realize that we never will do said crazy things.

Aching Feet.

Butch and Jimmy. The living legends.

Ohhh Nutcracker. How I love you. How I'll miss you. How I wish I could just think about you all the time instead of working on finals.
Bleck.

weights.

2011-12-09T08:33:00.005-05:00

I don't lift weights. I am much too weak.

I have a beautiful, powerful Father that does that for me. He is infinitely strong.

Realizing that has been hard and it's hurt a little bit.

But I have been grown.

And I'm sure trees hurt a little bit when they grow.

Therefore, I am just experience the things I should as a little tree, growing in grace and righteousness.

The photograph is titled "prodigal". The sculpture is "prodigal son" by an artist who I didn't get the name of and therefore I feel bad. Oh well.

No One's Slate is Clean

2011-12-07T22:43:00.002-05:00

<a href="http://courtneymarieandrews.bandcamp.com/album/no-ones-slate-is-clean">No One's Slate is Clean by Courtney Marie Andrews</a>

Listen.

Today is:

Morning car accidents-don't worry I'm fine. My poor Zachary (my car) isn't.

Courtney Marie serenading me with her best album yet.

Geometric sweaters.

A cold cold walk with a dear friend.

Drawing loneliness.

Rain.

Studying

Cinnamon Dole Latte, Espresso, and Earl Grey Tea.

Panera and Starbucks in one day.

Brotherly encouragement. I am so grateful for my dear brothers.

Tired, exasperated giggles.

An Aussie in Panera explaining to his American girlfriend/wife/fiance 's family how to pronounce "Aussie". Adorable.

Soup twice in one day.

More Studying.

Reading encouraging Psalms and chapters of Isaiah. There is nothing as restoring as reading the Bible.

More Studying.

The Pulley

2011-12-06T22:46:00.001-05:00

When God at first made man,

Having a glass of blessings standing by,

“Let us,” said he, “pour on him all we can.

Let the world’s riches, which dispersèd lie,

Contract into a span.”

So strength first made a way;

Then beauty flowed, then wisdom, honour, pleasure.

When almost all was out, God made a stay,

Perceiving that, alone of all his treasure,

Rest in the bottom lay.

“For if I should,” said he,

“Bestow this jewel also on my creature,

He would adore my gifts instead of me,

And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature;

So both should losers be.

“Yet let him keep the rest,

But keep them with repining restlessness;

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to my breast.”

-George Herbert.

please be kind if I'm a mess.

2011-12-05T22:22:00.003-05:00

Oh dear.

Today has literally been the epitome of my whole semester.

I woke up super late because I forgot to turn my alarm on.

So then I began my process of denial.

Instead of leaping out of my bed and grabbing food to eat on the way to school, I slowly made myself breakfast and decided to skip my first two classes. I went to the post office and chatted with the workers (they basically know me by name because I've been there so often this semester). Then I got coffee and read Psalm 69. After giggling with Joe and Ruthie and watching people in capes and ninja masks, I actually went to a class. I drew for two hours and was, in general, very happy with my work. I spontaneously decided to go to McKay after that and indulged myself with books. There's nothing like that weird, dusty, smokey smell of a used book store. I'm extremely fond of it.

As I drove home through the rain and listened to the Milk Carton kids...

Reality slapped me in the face.
I quickly realized I had to go to work at ballet and I hadn't eaten a real meal since the morning. Then everything that's expected of me this week and next came flooding into my thoughts and pushed all the little happy things out of my brain through my ears.
Stress slowly sank in.

And then came panic.

As I drove to ballet, I called my mom and asked her to bring me food sometime so I didn't die.

As I was on the phone, I almost started crying. Now, don't get me wrong, I do have emotions. But I'm honestly not the type of person to cry everytime I'm upset. Not at all. But for the rest of the night, I walked (and danced) around with a lump in my throat, just waiting for the eruption.

Nothing came, thank goodness. The rehearsals went well.

But I realized as I was sitting amongst flower costumes with my friends that this is probably going to be my last Nutcracker for a while-if not ever. I'm so overwhelmed that I have not been enjoying it as I should. And that's enough to make me cry.

Oh well, such is life, right?

Here I am, at 10:30, drinking coffee and only halfway done with all that I need to get done tonight.

So the moral of this whole thing is-if you come in contact me within the next two weeks-give me a hug and a cup of coffee. Those are two things that I'll be needing.

p.s. title lyric

Give Reviving

2011-12-04T19:39:00.002-05:00

"It's one of a kind. A moment captured should be treasured. Let's treasure this."-Jessica (about above photograph-taken in a blanket fort at Chatt State...)

Today is:

Advent

The Lord's Day

My long lost ipod being found (hooray!)

Nutcracker chaos

Realizing that I'm an "older girl" now. How strange.

A little boy in the pew in front of us girls doing funny hand dances.

Stifling giggles

Gluten-free pizza

Peppermint ice cream

Drawing drawing drawing

Preparing myself for my last full week of school of this semester.

Ah. 5 little days left. Then 6 little finals.

both my eyes are fading

2011-12-03T22:41:00.006-05:00

Tonight is:

Almost getting sick from the smell of lacquer thinner

Having paint and ink and graphite and charcoal all over myself

Fleet Foxes, Ray LaMontagne and The Civil Wars

Drawing without a real clue what it all means

Popcorn

Purple sweatshirt that says "Life is a series of ups and downs"

Sniffles

Dry coughs

Cranberry Sierra Mist

Open windows

How to transfer images with lacquer thinner:

You can use any image, just know that the older the image and heavier the paper, the less likely it's going to work. (also, note that the transferred image is going to be a mirror of the original-so words with be backwards and such). Place the image face down on the surface you want to transfer it to. Apply lacquer thinner (the fumes are awful, so make sure to do this outside or with lots of ventilation). Rub with back of spoon or a burnishing tool. The effect is sort of a cool, sketchy looking image. (You can kind of see it in the top photograph)

p.s. title lyric

so find your monster, don't tell your friends

2011-12-01T23:14:00.002-05:00

I have been faced with the monstrosity of man recently. From reading "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift (a man who didn't hate man, but hated the inhumanity of man to fellow man) to watching a documentary/doing a speech on the LRA, my thoughts have been shaken.

Man can be a monster.

It makes me lift my eyes to the grey expanse above me and say "Why?"

I don't know why.

I'm not supposed to know why.

All I'm supposed to know is that I was a monster.

I'm also supposed to know that I was healed and set free from that Monstrous me a long time ago.

And now, I am not a monster, but a Redeemer.

I'm supposed to know that I am appointed to redeem the earth and all that's within it.

So apathy is not an option.

Acting, speaking, praying, living, loving, and reaching are my only options.

I would encourage you to know that you are a monster as well. But, I hope, you have also been or can be freed from that. Instead of being a Destroyer, you can be a Redeemer.

So act, speak, pray, live, love, and reach!

That's what has been on my mind lately.

Just wanted to share.

p.s. the title is a lyric from this song.

one hundred dreams

2011-11-29T23:23:00.003-05:00

I wrote down my dreams today.

I also added another camera to my happy family. I bought a new camera and a snazzy new lens. I'm so excited. It shoots HD video. I see lots of pointless films of pretty lights and blowing leaves in my future.

His name is Tom.

oh reckless abandon

2011-11-28T22:28:00.003-05:00

I mentioned this on facebook the other day, but I am re-thinking the way I photograph.

I want my photographs to look like they're stills from a cinematic memory. So my photographs aren't capturing what the person, place, or thing, looks like that moment. Instead, they are essentially how I would remember that moment later. The movement, colors, light, etc.
It's really interesting to me.
These two are minimally edited and I might redo them later.

p.s. tomorrow morning I'm going to write down 100 dreams. it's a challenge one of my friends suggested and a different friend actually did. so I'm really inspired.

old faithful

2011-11-27T19:13:00.007-05:00

You know when you have those old shoes that are falling apart that you just don't want to ever get rid of?
I finally got rid of mine.
May they rest in peace.

tonight is:

Ray LaMontagne

Open Windows

Rain coming in said windows

Writing letters

Writing thoughts

Writing speeches

quiet contentment

oh man, oh my, oh me

2011-11-24T17:56:00.003-05:00

Oh how could I dream of,

Such a selfless and true love,

Could I wash my hands of?

Just lookin out for me.

-Montezuma, Fleet Foxes.

I am thankful for ever so many things. Too many things to list. Therefore, my only option is to strive to live in a state of gratitude.

p.s. if you haven't listened to Fleet Foxes. Do it. They're good for your mind, body, and soul.

term paper madness

2011-11-22T05:19:00.002-05:00

This semester has been one of those "oh I'm not going to sleep. ever." sort of semesters.

But I'm almost done!

The picture is of me almost nine hours ago. I had outfitted myself for a long night working on my Art History term paper and my final big assignment for speech class.

The night turned out to be a little longer than expected.

Oh well, the caprisun and baby carrots helped.

And it never hurts to dress up like a bandit.

Goodnight? Goodmorning? Oh dear...

o·bey

2011-11-21T08:32:00.003-05:00

-to comply with or follow commands, restrictions, wishes,or instructions.

"Not a burden we bear,

Not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay;

Not a grief or a loss,

Not a frown or a cross,

But is blest if we trust and obey.

Trust and obey,

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey."

-John Henry Sammis

stranger

2011-11-19T22:12:00.005-05:00

you know in a year,
it's gonna be better.

you know in a year,

I'm gonna be happy.

Noah and the Whale.

how will I know

2011-11-18T21:58:00.004-05:00

Tonight is:

old photographs

mountain man on repeat

thoughts

rest

less than a month until this semester is done.

Blue Skies

2011-11-16T22:44:00.003-05:00

I'll do anything

To be happy.

Oh blue skies are calling

But I know that it's hard.

-Noah and the Whale

flew too close to the sun.

2011-11-16T00:28:00.005-05:00

Life right now is:
Taking vitamins. all kinds.
Little braids in my hair.
Apple Juice galore.
Charcoal everywhere.

Raindrops.

The sweet smell of damp autumn leaves.
Icarus.
The National. Lots of The National.
Sore throats.
Nutcracker.
Staying up until the wee hours of the morning to finish things.
Then waking up early.

Drinking coffee and water simultaneously to stay awake and alive.

Being comforted with knowing that there are less than 20 class days left in the semester.

sorrow found me when I was young

2011-11-13T20:51:00.002-05:00

I have such kind friends.

It's good to remember things like that.

today will be good.

2011-11-09T22:00:00.003-05:00

I am to the point where I remind myself that everyday.

God is good.

Life is a gift.

So me complaining won't do a thing.

Oh also, I have a new friend! I was really sad that the first picture I took with him was so lame.

But still.

Eek.

London Fog

2011-11-05T00:23:00.000-04:00

Today was:

Eating gluten free cake with breakfast and lunch

skipping out of class just because

cleaning my room(ish)

editing pictures from a long while ago

posting a picture from last weekend

impulse buys

answering deep questions asked in the most nonchalant way.

killer croquet...I think that's how you spell that.

rock, paper, scissors

not getting lost

autumn weather

nice music

no homework. ah.

London Fog. yum.

and now, sweet slumbers.

hooray for Friday.

Friday's Child

2011-11-03T12:40:00.000-04:00

W. H. Auden

He told us we were free to choose

But, children as we were, we thought—

“Paternal Love will only use

Force in the last resort

On those too bumptious to repent.”

Accustomed to religious dread,

It never crossed our minds He meant

Exactly what He said.

Perhaps He frowns, perhaps He grieves,

But it seems idle to discuss

If anger or compassion leaves

The bigger bangs to us.

What reverence is rightly paid

To a Divinity so odd

He lets the Adam whom He made

Perform the Acts of God?

It might be jolly if we felt

Awe at this Universal Man

(When kings were local, people knelt);

Some try to, but who can?

The self-observed observing Mind

We meet when we observe at all

Is not alariming or unkind

But utterly banal.

Though instruments at Its command

Make wish and counterwish come true,

It clearly cannot understand

What It can clearly do.

Since the analogies are rot

Our senses based belief upon,

We have no means of learning what

Is really going on,

And must put up with having learned

All proofs or disproofs that we tender

Of His existence are returned

Unopened to the sender.

Now, did He really break the seal

And rise again? We dare not say;

But conscious unbelievers feel

Quite sure of Judgement Day.

Meanwhile, a silence on the cross,

As dead as we shall ever be,

Speaks of some total gain or loss,

And you and I are free

To guess from the insulted face

Just what Appearances He saves

By suffering in a public place

A death reserved for slaves.

Journal Entry

2011-10-28T12:00:00.000-04:00

October 28th

Rain fell from the sky today and my thoughts were thoughts of you,

Atop your mountain, my dear, so young and strong and free.

I could see your face tilted towards the grey sky.

So, so alone.

With every drip and every drop I heard you scream,

“The Wild is my home.”

The cold wind touched my face today and I swear I felt your hand,

Playing with my hair, just like you used to do.

Are you now sailing on an untamed sea, my dear?

So, so alone.

With every gust I hear you shout,

“The Wild is my home.”

I walked through the woods today, trying to see them like you would,

You used to speak of the woods with love saying they are fresh and pure, and true.

I can see you, my dear, in the ancient pines, fiery maples, and sapling cedars,

So, so alone.

With every crimson leaf that falls I hear you say,

“The Wild is my home.”

I gathered around a fire tonight with friends we both knew,

The dying embers remind me of your eyes, so sad and wise and wild.

I wished in my heart, my dear, that you were safe and warm,

So, so alone.

With every wisp of smoke I hear you softly sing,

“The Wild is my home”

I climbed a hill today, trying to remember every part of you.

I could feel you all around me, my dear, in the sky and clouds and sun.

Oh wild thing, why did you have to leave and be,

So, so alone?

With every sunbeam I can barely hear you whisper,

“The Wild is my home.”

why are you shaking like a leaf?

2011-10-27T13:14:00.005-04:00

There is always beauty to be found in Today.

Silvery rays of sun splitting silvery clouds.

The warm taste of vanilla on your tongue.

Music stirring your heart as you accomplish the necessary things in life.

The beat of gold and crimson leaves hitting the ground.

Hints of smiles at the corners of your lips.

The smell of a slightly chilly Autumn wind.

Can't you see?

Today can always be beautiful.

I was of tender age

2011-10-25T13:26:00.003-04:00

Today is:

Late rising

Pink leggings

Large, soft black sweaters

Someone saying "Oh I though you were wearing a cape!" about said sweater as I zoomed past them on my bike.

Coffee.

Getting things done in a relaxed manner.

Hearing people talk about people I know and Family Airplane in Rembrandt's. We're famous!

Cold mornings

Writing

Thinking too much about everything.

This song

and finally, posting a picture that is absolutely un-edited.

Truth

2011-10-22T17:43:00.002-04:00

delivered in overwhelmingly adorable packages.

Ah Jenny & Tyler.

(I've had bad luck with embedding videos. So sorry if you can't see the whole thing)

it may not always be so

2011-10-19T17:05:00.004-04:00

Today is:

Caffe Misto

Iron & Wine

wind, wind, wind

rain, rain, rain

grey, grey, grey

charcoal smudges on my hands...and face

people watching

actually being ahead with my homework

scarf shopping

e.e. cummings

small headaches

a short walk

a rushing river

quiet moments spent with my eyes closed, drinking in the wind

Natural and Good

2011-10-12T08:34:00.004-04:00

This in my time is the danger. There is great tension in the world, tension toward a breaking point, and men are unhappy and confused.

At such a time it seems natural and good to me to ask myself these questions. What do I believe in? What must I fight for and what must I fight against?

-East of Eden. Chapter 13, Part One.

John Steinback

I woke up yesterday and realized that I don't care about college.

Actually, let me re-phrase that. The things that I am most excited about that are in the future don't involve college. I love to learn and I want to succeed-BUT I'm elated that I'll be done with my undergrad in a little less than three years.

Life for me has already begun, I don't need a degree or a couple letters on a piece of paper or even a husband for it to begin.

I am going to college. So don't fret. But I'm not going to fulfill a life calling or find myself. (I'll always be searching for the latter thing so...) I'm going to further my own skills and to be challenged.

"life after college" is not something I'm afraid of, because in my mind, I'm already there.

I don't know if that makes sense to you. It makes perfect sense to me. But that's most likely because I'm young, I've had too much coffee and not enough sleep, and I rest securely in the knowledge that my life is not my own.

they heard me singing and they told me to stop

2011-10-09T18:33:00.004-04:00

quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock.

today is:

grey sky

climbing a tree just to look at things from higher up

being frustrated with the leveled earth and newly paved road in what used to be my wilderness

taking pictures

being covered in dirt from running down paths, flowers from pushing my way through weeds to make it to the nicest tree in the world, and graphite from drawing for hours on a dusty path in the woods

thinking thinking thinking

arcade fire

the Lord's day

(please click on the image to make it larger. it looks so very nice)

thou mayest

2011-10-05T21:48:00.002-04:00

I'm currently typing out whole sections of East of Eden so I'll remember them.

I like stumbling on old photographs. I never printed this one (it's a scanned negative) and I regret that.

you were the only one to know.

2011-10-04T22:24:00.002-04:00

Monster by Magic Man.

currently my listening addiction.

tonight is:

sleepytime vanilla tea.

music.

catching up.

finishing books.

no homework.

the sense of accomplishment that only comes after taking a week of exams and turning in projects and giving a speech.

journal entry

2011-10-02T22:50:00.002-04:00

I am a untamed thing tearing through the wilderness. I stumble through the uncharted territory with a zeal characteristic of my age. I want what I should not want. I lust for things I do not need. I know it, he, she, or they will harm me, but I am still chasing. Leaves crackle behind me, in front of me, to my left and to my right.

You are here.

You are hunting me. You are calling me.

You find me in a pit, covered in dirt. The stench of death is on me.

I am filthy and I love it. I fight Your pull. I bite Your hand and strike Your face.

You continue to pull me up from the mire.

You stroke my face as I fight your grasp and whisper "you're beautiful."

My struggling begins to cease as You hold me closer. I begin to object, but You stop me saying "I want you."

I begin to weep saying "but I am smashed to pieces. a useless vessel full of holes. I am only broken parts of what I should be"

You wrap me in peace "I want every broken part. I want to make you new."

in mundo non sed de mundo

2011-09-30T20:40:00.002-04:00

A small list of things I loved today:

1) it was Friday

2) I had a twenty minute class today. and that was all

3) hammocking in the sweet shade of the pines

4) finding what Sarah and I made (picture below) in my car

5) biking in the autumn wind

6) watching anthony and cooper spar

7) learning about Visa the ninja

8) almost letting go of explosive laughter during the inappropriate time

9) then letting it go later

10) eating chocolatey things at Rembrandt's while reading good books and journaling silly thoughts.

Chuck

2011-09-28T21:27:00.004-04:00

This is my new friend. Her name is Chuck (short for Charlotte) and we've already had some adventures together.

Life is sweet as of now.

reality.

2011-09-25T21:09:00.007-04:00

2011-09-18T22:14:00.003-04:00

Happiness is only real if shared-Christopher McCandless

this weekend confirmed these and many other things in my mind:

-God always supplies what I need. Always.

-God loves me too deeply for me to grasp

-I want more than anything to pack my things and go. anywhere.

-Dear friends and adventure are the ingredients for a most excellent road trip

and much much more.

Oh dear Jesus, help me be grateful. Help me get rest. and above all, help me to love people the way I ought to.

ten years

2011-09-11T17:22:00.003-04:00

ten years? has it really been ten years since I was shaking in the living room as I watched the fire and smoke on the television. ten years since my mom was crying and I didn't know why. I was only eight years old. I didn't realize the impact that this day would have.

the terror of the acts done on this day, ten years ago, has only grown more and more terrifying to me as I get older. I am still so young, but I have lived life and I have been free. how precious that is to me.

how precious that should be to you.

I hope with all of my heart that you remember this day. I hope you remember the fear, the uncertainty and the grief. I hope you remember who or what you clung to as you watched the images on the screen. I hope you remember what a nation under God truly feels like.

today is so important.

that is one thing I hope you never, ever forget.

give up the things you love for love.

2011-09-08T21:01:00.002-04:00

"You are every part of my beating heart, You are the blood within me. My love outweighs my lust for you, my head outweighs my heart.

I am with you through eternity, until my blood stops pumping. 'Cos without you rushing through my veins, there is no life within me.

Give up the things you love for love. Love despite your mood. Take me as I am, let me love you.

Blood on the hands of the Son of God, Oh, the pain that love brings. I will try to defend our love from false feelings. Bend like a bow in the archer's hand, though arrows run swiftly. Strike my flesh, then my bones then pierce my heart- love's poison seeping.

Give up the things you love for love. Love despite your mood. Take me as I am, let me love you.

Dead to the world, you've become my universe. An act of perfect poison-crippled, deaf, and blind inside I've become. My arms hang loose from my shoulders.

Without my arms I cannot hold a shield or wield a mighty sword. Every drop of blood that stains the earth, a stamp on the ground that I love you.

Give up the things you love for love. Love despite your mood. Take me as I am. Let me love you." -King Charles

little pleasures

2011-09-07T22:14:00.002-04:00

life is so crazy. that's all I have to say for now.

tell them anything you want

2011-09-01T20:25:00.002-04:00

Spike Jonze. Maurice Sendak. Brilliant. Inspiring. Depressing. Perfection.

sweet boy

2011-08-31T21:58:00.001-04:00

babies are wondrous little things. it's so strange to look at my dearest nephew, Fletcher Gabriel, and realize he's going to be a man someday.

and what a good man he is going to be.

journal entry.

2011-08-29T21:58:00.003-04:00

August 28th 2011

...God didn't create us to wait for things to get better. no.

we don't wait. we just live.

we kick up the dirt on the path and we dance in it.

we run until we tumble to the ground.

we close our eyes when the wind blows to truly feel its touch.
we sing to the tune of the rustling grass.

and we breath in rhythm with the leaves crunching beneath our feet.

no, no. we don't wait for life to happen.

we just go. we just do.

2011-08-26T12:59:00.002-04:00

I need it, yes I need it. The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus. The blood of Jesus is like the widow's oil-when it's all you have it's all you'll ever need.

-Andrew Peterson.

Ah this quiet week of self-pity and self-reflection is coming to a close. I am breathing a sigh of relief with the knowledge of school starting Monday. I cannot wait to wake up each day with a strong sense of purpose. I will wake up knowing that I am a student, an artist, and (most importantly) a light for Jesus Christ.

journal entry.

2011-08-23T10:22:00.003-04:00

August 22nd 2011.

I feel like my life is awful right now. even though I know it isn't. A flood of complaints continues to pour out my mouth while discontented thoughts collect like dust in my mind. I am lonely, jealous, and a bit heart-broken. Why? because.

I am wrong in the way I feel, but it seems like there's no turning back. the door of summer, oh glorious summer, is being slammed and locked behind me. What window is opening? is it a simple white-shuttered window opening to simple happiness? is it a lofty bay window opening to great ambitions? No. for now, all I see is the door of a damp crawl-space creaking open...and I know all I'll find inside is dark, filthy discontent.

How can I make the sweet smells of the past waft into the dingy present? How can I make the golden sunshine of summer break through this blackness?

maybe that's it.

maybe I don't need to focus "How can I"...

no. I need to release my white-knuckled grip on what I think is my own. and focus on "Lord You will."

Lord You will. How I wish, hope, pray I can believe it.

Lord You will.

*disclaimer: this is really from my journal, that's why the thoughts seem a bit intimate. but, I want to take it as a challenge, artistically and personally, to publish a journal entry every so often. I feel like it's a good thing to be able to accurately express what you're feeling in words. and it's an even better thing to be transparent. *

Mary Emily

2011-08-21T20:23:00.004-04:00

sometimes a sick day is just what I need.

if the pain in my head would stop, I would be most perfectly happy.

head-in-the-clouds

2011-08-18T21:44:00.006-04:00

Adj.1.head-in-the-clouds - guided by whim and fancy; "flighty young girls"

so I looked up this afternoon and saw that there were no clouds in the sky.

so I got to work.

Ah! that's a better view. I made sure to include a pink lemonade cloud and a couple gray clouds to keep me grounded.

you know that feeling

2011-08-17T22:46:00.005-04:00

you get when your heart's a little overwhelmed and your head is too full of other things to understand?

2011-08-16T21:52:00.005-04:00

Someone recently wished me sunshine in my life. I think that some little grey clouds are going to be hanging around me for a while, but sunshine will peek through eventually.

I'm beginning to get cabin fever at work.

The weather has been delightful and I've been trapped in an artificial arctic. I spend most of my time answering questinos for poor, confused people. When I'm not doing that, I'm laughing with the people I work with and staring out the large windows, wishing I could go on a walk outside. But I can't.

Because of this, I get a little restless and have to walk around a lot and imagine lots of things. Also, I've been really impulsive. Last night I dyed my hair blue/green. I like it quite a lot, but it is a little crazy. That's what the pictures are of. I'll take some cool ones once I get time.

Also, today I had my first migraine since I went gluten-free two weeks ago! I've had little headaches, but nothing huge until today. SO I think this whole diet change might be working. hooray.

crippled conscience

2011-08-09T22:17:00.003-04:00

If you're thinking about doing something regarding your conscience-do it. Unless you're content with living mediocrity. Set your crippled conscience free. Sometimes we're so used to our brokenness, we don't care to be repaired.

-Frank May

oh dear. I have quite a crippled conscience. The thick dark cloths of my own sin gag its tiny voice. So all I hear is my sin telling me that it is quite alright to be judgmental, impatient, and jaded. It tells me I'm an okay person living an okay life...all the while my crippled conscience pokes and prods my heart just enough to remind me that it's not okay to just be okay.

little foxes

2011-08-03T22:48:00.003-04:00

(This is Emmy. She was one of Jenny's day-campers during week 3. Jenny wrote me about Emmy. She seemed like quite a romantic little girl. This photograph and a couple others of her are some of my most favorites I took all summer. Her face is just too sweet...oh also, you should click on the image to make it bigger...it enhances the viewing experience)

"Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, While our vineyards are in blossom."

-Song of Solomon 2:15

Today was full of little foxes. These little foxes that ate the grapes on the vine...and even though there are many more grapes left, I, the vineyard keeper, let the few missing grapes spoil the rest of my day. Me getting upset over the pesky foxes definitely reminded me that I am a fallen creature who needs a perfect Lord.

Gluten Freedom and a small list of things I love

2011-08-01T21:19:00.002-04:00

My breakfast this morning honestly tasted like eating corn-on-the-cob. BUT it really wasn't that bad. Thus a gluten-free school year begins.

things I love right now:

1) organizing. ever since I got home, I've been on a strange organization kick. So far, I've organized letters, spices, books, desk drawers, the tea cabinet, and my bathroom. I wonder what else I'm going to organize!

2) Listening to Band of Horses and Family Airplane while editing camp pictures.

3) Living camp all over again because of editing camp pictures and writing captions.

4) Listening to certain songs and laughing really hard because of camp (i.e. FAther's hunting in the forest, MOther's cooking in the home...)

5) Telling people about camp.

6) Writing people from camp letters.

7) Journaling stories and things about camp.

so basically....I love camp.

Mary Emily

two random thoughts and a photograph

2011-07-30T21:06:00.005-04:00

Breathing is wonderful. God breathed life into man and man has been breathing to live ever since. It's fun to watch people breathe too. People show their breathing so many different ways-through their stomach, shoulders, chest or mouth. There's something calming about breathing in unison with someone you're sitting next to-it's like being knit together by some rhythmic bond. The sounds of breathing are serene as well-the sweet gasp of inhaling and the soft wind of exhaling. All around, breathing is just wonderful.

Cleaning your room after being gone for a long while is such an adventure. It's like adapting to your habitat all over again. Or going through a timeline of crumpled letters and pages from magazines. When you're all through with the sorting, folding, filing, and dusting, you're left with what seems like a whole new living space. How fabulous is that?

(please click to view larger. it looks so nice that way.)

Mary Emily

A New Adventure

2011-07-28T13:51:00.004-04:00

Every time I talk about this fall, a bittersweet ache comes into my heart. I'm re-losing (ish) two of my dearest friends, I'm having to say goodbye to two of my other dearest friends, I'm taking 19 hours (that was my own choice, so I'm not complaining), I'm working at ballet (hopefully), I'm getting a bike, and I'm working at Chatt State. Although all these things are scary and new, I'm excited for the new adventure this year is going to be. My goal will be to challenge myself daily to never have a moment that isn't lived out fully.

So adventures and changes will be abundant.

The very first new adventure I'm taking on is going gluten free. For as long as I can remember, I've been sick, exhausted, and plagued by migraines and sinus headaches. SO, to combat this, I'm getting rid of the gluten in my life. It's going to be quite a culinary adventure because I'll have to make most of my own food. Hooray! I get to feel better and become a better cook!

Starting Monday, gluten will slowly be making its way out of my diet. I'm taking this whole thing one meal at a time, because I think it would be a bit much for me and my body to handle to be like BAM no gluten. So yeah, the first week I'm going one meal gluten free, then the next week two, then everything else.

Wish me luck!

Hopefully, I'll be blogging recipes and whatnot.

Mary Emily

p.s. the photograph is from Training Week at camp. The "Pine Forest" (a little grove of pine trees) was full of hammocks all week. Claire is the name of the girl with the lovely hair in the photo)

I'll get back to you someday soon, you will see...

2011-07-26T10:02:00.002-04:00

I'm home from one of the most magical summers of my life.

Camp was absolutely that-magical. There's no way to fit the loveliness of camp in words. It would take a whole volume of books. There's also no way to fit the loveliness of camp in one photograph. It would take a whole gallery of photographs.

So instead of trying to give some great summary of thoughts on camp and whatnot, I'm just going to give you this for now.

Maybe someday soon I'll blog the book and post the gallery.

Meanwhile, I hope all of you had a lovely summer. It is coming to a close, but be heartened, the glorious autumn is on its way.

Mary Emily

C'est La Vie

2011-06-02T23:01:00.004-04:00

I just read this post and I couldn't help but smile.

That was the first of two summers I've had to exist without having Jenny here. Which let me tell you...it's pretty tough to have fun without her.

It's exciting for me to think that I get to be with her at camp this summer.

I am leaving for Cedar Lake Camp on Monday. I won't be home for a month or so.

So this is probably the last time I'll post until then.

I cannot wait to see what this summer holds. I know that's trite to say, but I mean it.

Have a lovely summer.

2011-05-28T23:14:00.003-04:00

I'm so involved with living life right now.

I love it.

also, I haven't really been taking pictures lately. which has been good. I needed a small rest.

Oliver James

2011-05-25T00:08:00.001-04:00

hmph.

2011-05-24T00:13:00.003-04:00

sometimes things just don't work.

and it's frustrating.

the end.

three hundred and sixty five days

2011-05-21T22:56:00.002-04:00

three hundred and sixty five photographs.

three hundred and sixty five special days documented with dancing light, digital sensors, and thin emulsions on film.

one whole year.

a year full of dear things. dear friends. dear memories.

I cannot believe it's over.

out of three hundred and sixty five days, I only skipped ten times. that's a lot. and I'm ashamed. but still.

I have grown immensely as an artist and as a person during this process.

there's nothing more challenging and wonderful as forcing yourself to create something nice every day.

many days I have felt distracted by the harsh realities of this world and the only thing to focus my mind on what really matters has been to grab my cameras and walk and see things.

I have appreciated my lovely and patient friends for being my fascinating subjects and letting me pose them as I want to or redo their hair or paint their faces or countless other ridiculous things I've done to them to get a photograph I'm satisfied with.

this project has been one of the many things that has helped me see that making pictures is in my blood and I can't escape it's call.

I will continue to photograph the world until I cease breathing.

free spirit.

2011-05-19T23:13:00.003-04:00

so nowadays there are lots of little boys and girls going through life telling people they are a free spirit, without caring or knowing what that really means.

do they know that a free spirit isn't someone who "bucks the system" or "sticks it to the man"?

instead, a free spirit is someone who is not hemmed in or stretched thin by the expectations of society.

do they know that a free spirit isn't someone who is moody, loud, quiet, thoughtful, flippant, tame, or wild?

no no, a free spirit is someone who comes alive to the world around them.

someone who wants to know who their own self is.

someone who wants to know who their maker is.

someone who copes with the weight of sin by laughing, crying, dancing, singing, running, yelling and creating.

someone who strives to love deeply and intently.

someone who intends to only speak the truth.

I'm a free spirit.

are you?

I've always had

2011-05-18T13:12:00.004-04:00

a wild imagination and a see-through heart

you really should click on these to make them larger. they look tons better.
so. inspired. right. now.

Oh Charlie. I love you so.

2011-05-17T17:31:00.004-04:00

Today I watched a little documentary on the making of Noah and the Whale's album Last Night on Earth. Then there was a little cyber-chat thing where people could ask questions and Charlie Fink would answer.
These are my favorite answers:

Above all, this is my favorite question/answer:

Charlie, how is your hair made so perfect? We all want to know!

finished product

2011-05-16T10:32:00.001-04:00

music- Addicted to Self Mutilation by M83

we are the children of tomorrow

2011-05-15T23:56:00.009-04:00

some stills from a short stop motion.

you should click them to view them larger.

they look nice.

I'm Here

2011-05-14T23:29:00.002-04:00

After seeing "Where the Wild Things Are" again the other day, I couldn't help but be curious about Spike Jonze's other work.

So tonight, I watched his somewhat strange short film "I'm Here".

It's about robots.

and self-sacrifice.

and a sweet kind of robot romance.

and I loved it.

So if you want a fabulous alternative to "Wall-E"...you should watch this.

the rain the rain.

2011-05-13T23:26:00.002-04:00

little whispers echo in the hollow of my ears.
while the cold (drip) rain (drop) falls quickly (drip) on my windshield (drop).
it is Friday the 13th and the emotions pulsing through the Earth are all gloom and despair.
until the laughter and smiles of kindred spirits come.
and sadness is shooed away and replaced with a contented joy.

sometimes, I'm so scared of change my heart shakes like droplets on a dangling leaf.

lesson....learned?

2011-05-11T22:23:00.000-04:00

Today was the last creek kids of the semester. and maybe the last one I can make until late July.

21 candy bags were made, bubbles were purchased, and face paint was packed. When my faithful helpers and I arrived at Rainbow Creek, no children were waiting on the playground as we've so often seen before. After knocking on some doors and asking around, three children came.

Three.

We've averaged 8-12 kids for this whole semester. For the last big blast, three kids are there. At this point, I'm thinking "so uh, God, what are you trying to say here?"... By the end of the night, after layers and layers of face paint were applied to my face, I was so happy we came.

I'm still wondering what exactly God wanted me to learn. Maybe He wanted to humble me, or maybe He wanted me to learn to rely on others, or maybe I'm not really supposed to know what He was doing right now. I'm kind of clueless.

All this to say, Creek Kids has been such a blessing and I cannot and will not ever forget all of the kids that came.

Hopefully, I'll see them this summer sometime...

tuesday nights

2011-05-10T23:07:00.008-04:00

no creative captions tonight. just images.

mug shot?

snippets of inspiration

2011-05-08T19:44:00.004-04:00

1) Artist: Ella Richards

she cuts the images out of black paper.

2) Yvonne Miller

i love surprises

2011-05-06T23:11:00.003-04:00

Someone I know recently talked about practicing what he called "awareness". He talked about just being aware of his surroundings, his thoughts, and his emotions as much as he can. I've been trying to add being "aware" to my list of everyday activities. It's actually harder than you would think.

The past few days, when I've truly absorbed everything around me and everything I'm feeling internally, I've been amazed at how much I miss.

Tonight, I was surprised by a scary picture of Jenny as a clown when she was a child and by Jonathan coming to Chattanooga State's Fine Arts celebration thing.

I was quickly aware of how much I love surprises, my friends, and life in general.

Needless to say, I am too happy to go to sleep.

life is short

2011-05-05T23:12:00.008-04:00

so you should try to truly live it.

loveliest jen

2011-05-03T23:35:00.001-04:00

going through older photographs.

found this.

liked it a lot.

*click on image to make it larger. and to make it look better. please.

quiet sorrow

2011-05-02T23:09:00.005-04:00

take slow walks at night. breath in the sweet, fragrant spring air.

cope with the quiet sorrows of this aging earth.

I was not made for this weight.

I was not made for this hurt.

I am not made for this world.

*please click on images to view them larger.

may flowers

2011-05-01T16:20:00.004-04:00

happy may day.

sweet treats

2011-04-30T23:00:00.003-04:00

spring fever

2011-04-29T17:46:00.003-04:00

I like these. A lot. I am pretty sure they will be added to my wardrobe asap.

a very happy easter

2011-04-28T18:50:00.007-04:00

2011-04-27T17:45:00.006-04:00

remember to wear bright colors and put a smile on your face, love. to bloom like rose against the grey grey sky. oh and to watch the lightning as it strikes the tops of the trembling trees.

but above all else.

don't let that wind knock you down.

there's a tornado coming.

twinkle twinkle little bat.

2011-04-26T21:52:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have been stressed to the max with finals and silly drama.

BUT. Easter was lovely. I am so overwhelmed with God's love for me and the feeling of being Free in Him.

Also, I challenged myself last week to wear a dress for 7 days. I wanted to document with photos...but I didn't get the time. I did it though, and it was so fun. I love wearing dresses in the sunshine.

I whined all yesterday about how hard my life is and how sick I am and how many hours I'm taking next semester (20)...So to combat that whiny-ness, I'm going to make a list of some things that make me happy right now:

1) Falling in love with Feist again. She uses harp in her songs and she's French...what's not to love?

2) Discounted Easter candy. Instead of candy in our eggs this year, my mom put loose change to go buy Easter candy after easter. I got a bag of jelly beans, marshmallow eggs, gummy bunnies, and some Peeps for $3. Crazy right?

3) Making and printing photographs. I printed three 16X20 pictures today and I love them so much. It's so exciting when you love your own work.

4) Being loved. and sharing love.

5) The peonies in my front yard. There is no flower on this earth that smells as beautiful as a peony. Not to mention they are breathtakingly beautiful.

6) Planning how to beat the monotony of everyday life. Bike rides, new coffee shops, reading books, leaving notes in the library for strangers...etc.

be still and listen

2011-04-21T14:05:00.003-04:00

honey honey, songs of triumph are being sung about you. do you listen? do you hear? angels pour out loving words out their lips. so stop running towards the noise. stop running, little girl. be still, so very still, and listen. you. are. His. beloved.

you cut me loose

2011-04-19T22:28:00.002-04:00

Come on, my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
If I, if I’d only waited
I’d not be stuck here in this hole
Come here my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited
I’ve got to get out of this hole

But time is on your side
Its on your side now
Not pushing you down and all around
It’s no cause for concern

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I’m dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

And time is on your side
Its on your side now
Not pushing you down
And all around, no
It’s no cause for concern

Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I’m on my way back down again
Stood on a bridge, tied to the noose
Sick to the stomach
You can say what you mean
But it won’t change a thing
I’m sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge, tied to a noose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose.

I was on the edge, tied to a noose. Then Jesus came along and cut me loose.

the misty moon

2011-04-17T21:36:00.003-04:00

I'm in such a strange mood.

The kind of mood where you look at the moon and you fall in love with it.

The kind of mood where your heart aches for people that you don't even know.

The kind of mood where you roll down your windows while you drive and drink in the rushing wind.

The kind of mood where you want to get home in time to kiss all of your loved ones, pack, and then move to Africa.

The kind of mood where the word "adventure" makes your heart quiver.

The kind of mood where you just want to jump off a ledge into icy water.

The kind of mood where you want to tell everyone you meet that they are loved. so loved.

That kind of mood. You know?

little paper birds

2011-04-16T22:47:00.005-04:00

little paper birds on strings cannot fly. they dangle from one's finger's like dormant thoughts. they wait and wish to soar in the sky. to be free. but they dangle forever. forever. forever.

tell me why

2011-04-15T21:52:00.004-04:00

the ivy twines.