sweet boy

babies are wondrous little things. it's so strange to look at my dearest nephew, Fletcher Gabriel, and realize he's going to be a man someday.

and what a good man he is going to be.

journal entry.

August 28th 2011

...God didn't create us to wait for things to get better. no.

we don't wait. we just live.

we kick up the dirt on the path and we dance in it.

we run until we tumble to the ground.

we close our eyes when the wind blows to truly feel its touch.
we sing to the tune of the rustling grass.

and we breath in rhythm with the leaves crunching beneath our feet.

no, no. we don't wait for life to happen.

we just go. we just do.

I need it, yes I need it. The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus. The blood of Jesus is like the widow's oil-when it's all you have it's all you'll ever need.

-Andrew Peterson.

Ah this quiet week of self-pity and self-reflection is coming to a close. I am breathing a sigh of relief with the knowledge of school starting Monday. I cannot wait to wake up each day with a strong sense of purpose. I will wake up knowing that I am a student, an artist, and (most importantly) a light for Jesus Christ.

journal entry.

August 22nd 2011.

I feel like my life is awful right now. even though I know it isn't. A flood of complaints continues to pour out my mouth while discontented thoughts collect like dust in my mind. I am lonely, jealous, and a bit heart-broken. Why? because.

I am wrong in the way I feel, but it seems like there's no turning back. the door of summer, oh glorious summer, is being slammed and locked behind me. What window is opening? is it a simple white-shuttered window opening to simple happiness? is it a lofty bay window opening to great ambitions? No. for now, all I see is the door of a damp crawl-space creaking open...and I know all I'll find inside is dark, filthy discontent.

How can I make the sweet smells of the past waft into the dingy present? How can I make the golden sunshine of summer break through this blackness?

maybe that's it.

maybe I don't need to focus "How can I"...

no. I need to release my white-knuckled grip on what I think is my own. and focus on "Lord You will."

Lord You will. How I wish, hope, pray I can believe it.

Lord You will.

*disclaimer: this is really from my journal, that's why the thoughts seem a bit intimate. but, I want to take it as a challenge, artistically and personally, to publish a journal entry every so often. I feel like it's a good thing to be able to accurately express what you're feeling in words. and it's an even better thing to be transparent. *

Mary Emily

sometimes a sick day is just what I need.

if the pain in my head would stop, I would be most perfectly happy.

head-in-the-clouds

Adj.1.head-in-the-clouds - guided by whim and fancy; "flighty young girls"

so I looked up this afternoon and saw that there were no clouds in the sky.

so I got to work.

Ah! that's a better view. I made sure to include a pink lemonade cloud and a couple gray clouds to keep me grounded.

you know that feeling

you get when your heart's a little overwhelmed and your head is too full of other things to understand?