Friday, June 20, 2014

on summer,choices, and other things.

i thought this summer was going to be a relaxing summer.

oh how naive i was.

i literally had no idea what i was getting myself into when i started taking summer classes. i thought "oh i'm going to read and learn french and then have the rest of the day to do whatever i want!"...yeah that's not the case.
that especially became evident to me this week when i started at work. i mean, i am beyond happy about having a job (after applying to 30+different places...) it just means that i will have even less free time than before. that said, i think it's a really good summer to learn the value of hard work and cultivate my ability to make choices with my responsibilities and well-being in mind. because i work a morning job, i have to go to sleep earlier than i have in a long time. because i have papers to write, i have to find a place i can focus and get them done quickly (preferably a few days before the procrastinating in the summer). because i have new french homework everyday, i have to make time for it everyday.
consequently, it's been interesting to see what "free time" looks like when you legitimately don't have any. i have begun to value gym time more and i love that after i shower, i have about thirty minutes where i just sit on the porch with the cat and breathe. being alone hasn't been as much as a concern as being healthy/happy. and honestly, i think that's a gift from God.
there's been a lot said about making choices. there have been whole books written about how the wrong choices can destroy your life or whatever. but i guess what i'm getting to see first-hand is how making right choices can bless your life. i really do have free will. i have to make the choice about all the busy aspects of my life. it is my call whether or not i'm going to make the right or wrong one. i am given complete freedom to make mistakes and i know that. but man, when i make the choice to go to bed, run another lap, learn concepts thoroughly, or wake up a little earlier for work so that i can have time with Jesus, the blessings are enough of an incentive to get me to keep going down that straight and narrow way.
so yeah, i guess this summer hasn't been relaxing. it really has been difficult thus far. but it's been peaceful. and that's enough for me.