"dear Father, let me look for Your grace in everything. let me want Your love more than anything. and let me hear Your voice above the noise."
-from may 15th.
i remember writing that prayer. it was the beginning of a new habit. it was a turning point in my thinking.
even the short while after school ended and summer began, i felt that it was going to be a hard summer. the reality of me not working at camp and being alone and over-committing myself didn't hit me until halfway through june, but my heart felt it much earlier than that. the healing that came this summer came only through my seeking and God's willingness to be sought out. i have learned repeatedly that He provides. i have learned of my worth as an individual. and i have learned to tune out the cacophony of negativity around me and hear the loving voice of my Father. needless to say, a huge amount of healing has taken place this summer.
as i face this semester and the close of my career as an undergraduate student, i am excited. i'm excited that my life will be moving on so rapidly. i'm excited that david will be back. i'm excited that my classes are all super interesting.
but most of all, i'm excited for this new season of celebration. i feel like a new, rejuvenated person. this new self hardly recognizes the exhausted, lonely, and defeated young woman i was when i wrote that prayer in may. and hallelujah for that!
i'm not one to make predictions, but i have a pretty strong feeling about this semester. i feel that it will be so full of peace. i feel that it will grow David's heart and my heart closer together. i feel that grace will abound.
so i'm dubbing this semester as the semester:
-of love
-of joy
-of yes
-of flourishing
-of sharing
-of new
-of Jesus
-of fearlessness
-of humility
-of strength
-of accepting weaknesses (ones of myself and others)
-of meditation
-of breathing deeply
-of less sad tears and more happy ones
-of picnics
-of camping
-of mountains and bonfires and hammocking etc.
-of newly found healthy life.
so as you and i shed our summer skin, let's lift our heads with courage and celebrate the coming of a new season.
lost in an uncharted sea.
Showing posts with label Summer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Summer. Show all posts
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
on summer,choices, and other things.
i thought this summer was going to be a relaxing summer.
oh how naive i was.
i literally had no idea what i was getting myself into when i started taking summer classes. i thought "oh i'm going to read and learn french and then have the rest of the day to do whatever i want!"...yeah that's not the case.
that especially became evident to me this week when i started at work. i mean, i am beyond happy about having a job (after applying to 30+different places...) it just means that i will have even less free time than before. that said, i think it's a really good summer to learn the value of hard work and cultivate my ability to make choices with my responsibilities and well-being in mind. because i work a morning job, i have to go to sleep earlier than i have in a long time. because i have papers to write, i have to find a place i can focus and get them done quickly (preferably a few days before the deadline...no procrastinating in the summer). because i have new french homework everyday, i have to make time for it everyday.
consequently, it's been interesting to see what "free time" looks like when you legitimately don't have any. i have begun to value gym time more and i love that after i shower, i have about thirty minutes where i just sit on the porch with the cat and breathe. being alone hasn't been as much as a concern as being healthy/happy. and honestly, i think that's a gift from God.
there's been a lot said about making choices. there have been whole books written about how the wrong choices can destroy your life or whatever. but i guess what i'm getting to see first-hand is how making right choices can bless your life. i really do have free will. i have to make the choice about all the busy aspects of my life. it is my call whether or not i'm going to make the right or wrong one. i am given complete freedom to make mistakes and i know that. but man, when i make the choice to go to bed, run another lap, learn concepts thoroughly, or wake up a little earlier for work so that i can have time with Jesus, the blessings are enough of an incentive to get me to keep going down that straight and narrow way.
so yeah, i guess this summer hasn't been relaxing. it really has been difficult thus far. but it's been peaceful. and that's enough for me.
oh how naive i was.
i literally had no idea what i was getting myself into when i started taking summer classes. i thought "oh i'm going to read and learn french and then have the rest of the day to do whatever i want!"...yeah that's not the case.
that especially became evident to me this week when i started at work. i mean, i am beyond happy about having a job (after applying to 30+different places...) it just means that i will have even less free time than before. that said, i think it's a really good summer to learn the value of hard work and cultivate my ability to make choices with my responsibilities and well-being in mind. because i work a morning job, i have to go to sleep earlier than i have in a long time. because i have papers to write, i have to find a place i can focus and get them done quickly (preferably a few days before the deadline...no procrastinating in the summer). because i have new french homework everyday, i have to make time for it everyday.
consequently, it's been interesting to see what "free time" looks like when you legitimately don't have any. i have begun to value gym time more and i love that after i shower, i have about thirty minutes where i just sit on the porch with the cat and breathe. being alone hasn't been as much as a concern as being healthy/happy. and honestly, i think that's a gift from God.
there's been a lot said about making choices. there have been whole books written about how the wrong choices can destroy your life or whatever. but i guess what i'm getting to see first-hand is how making right choices can bless your life. i really do have free will. i have to make the choice about all the busy aspects of my life. it is my call whether or not i'm going to make the right or wrong one. i am given complete freedom to make mistakes and i know that. but man, when i make the choice to go to bed, run another lap, learn concepts thoroughly, or wake up a little earlier for work so that i can have time with Jesus, the blessings are enough of an incentive to get me to keep going down that straight and narrow way.
so yeah, i guess this summer hasn't been relaxing. it really has been difficult thus far. but it's been peaceful. and that's enough for me.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
like a little wind
i am sitting in the willow tree on a tuesday without david. that has not happened in quite a while.
it is strange to realize that i am entering the very last "summer" of my life. obviously, summer will exist after i graduate. but it will be different. consequently, today i have been mulling over the nature of change.
it is strange to realize that i am entering the very last "summer" of my life. obviously, summer will exist after i graduate. but it will be different. consequently, today i have been mulling over the nature of change.
john steinbeck has this to say about change:
“men do change, and change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass."
“men do change, and change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass."
that is a near-perfect description of change. it is very 'neaky (as my little niece and nephew say). but it is also beautiful. this summer is a change. i am usually preparing to leave for camp right about now. then i spend the whole summer loving on children and sharing the Gospel and not sleeping enough. instead, right now i am working on homework and planning what to get when i go grocery shopping. it is difficult to accept that grocery shopping and homework is just as wonderful as being a camp counselor. but that's a part of why this summer is happening, i think.
i am learning that it is exciting to not be sure what my "task" is. it is exciting to learn that having joy and contentment is a choice that i have to make everyday. it is exciting to have so much predictability this summer. it is exciting to have free time. and it is exciting to be able to have time to process the changes as they become apparent.
Monday, July 29, 2013
summer debriefing project. week eight.
this past week was a retreat week, so it would be a bit silly for me to go day-by-day. most of the days were spent in the kitchen.
however, i will do a little overview sort of thing. this week was all about releasing the tension and stress of having campers. lots of trips to cookeville and to various coffee shops happened. lots of time was spent snuggle-bussing and laughing at the most ridiculous things. and lots of time was spent alone with just my thoughts and God's Word and a journal. it was an excellent week. it ended with quite a crazy GNO and dyeing my hair purple again. by the weekend, i felt rested and happy and content. except one thing.
that "one thing" creates a bit of a lengthy tangent that involves the fact i've been long-distance with david for almost 12 weeks now. instead of sharing the long story, i'm going to take the short route and just say that discontentedness has been a huge temptation/distraction for me this summer. that discontentedness kind of hit a climax saturday night and i didn't know what to do. so i prayed for some wisdom and went to sleep.
yesterday i woke up with the same kind of frustrated sadness, but i wanted to be focused for church, so i prayed again. i often don't feel like prayers actually have power. of course, that is not true. but it's so easy to feel like i am just talking out loud to the air, instead of actually speaking to someone great and wonderful. the sermon at church was all about true repentance and what that looks like. it was such a eureka moment for me. i realized that i had been holding onto my discontent so tightly that it had become a sin that consumed my thoughts and pained my heart. the times i had confessed to God and asked for patience, my motives were all wrong. i often wanted to be forgiven or move on because i didn't want to be distracted from my campers or hurt my friends or affect david or anything like that. my reasons for turning to God were not correct. they were people/self-centered and not at all God-centered. this being said, i realized how much my discontent offends and hurts God and for THAT reason, turned to Him and confessed. the transformation of my weary heart into a joyful one was almost instant. it became so apparent that long-distance has been a blessing and i should rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign and loves me dearly.
anyway, that's basically what i learned all week. it just kind of came to the surface yesterday. and i praise God for that! it's been a marvelous couple days and i cannot wait to finish out my time here at camp strong and happy and content and rejoicing.
hallelujah.
i hope your heart is as full of thankfulness and joy as mine is.
however, i will do a little overview sort of thing. this week was all about releasing the tension and stress of having campers. lots of trips to cookeville and to various coffee shops happened. lots of time was spent snuggle-bussing and laughing at the most ridiculous things. and lots of time was spent alone with just my thoughts and God's Word and a journal. it was an excellent week. it ended with quite a crazy GNO and dyeing my hair purple again. by the weekend, i felt rested and happy and content. except one thing.
that "one thing" creates a bit of a lengthy tangent that involves the fact i've been long-distance with david for almost 12 weeks now. instead of sharing the long story, i'm going to take the short route and just say that discontentedness has been a huge temptation/distraction for me this summer. that discontentedness kind of hit a climax saturday night and i didn't know what to do. so i prayed for some wisdom and went to sleep.
yesterday i woke up with the same kind of frustrated sadness, but i wanted to be focused for church, so i prayed again. i often don't feel like prayers actually have power. of course, that is not true. but it's so easy to feel like i am just talking out loud to the air, instead of actually speaking to someone great and wonderful. the sermon at church was all about true repentance and what that looks like. it was such a eureka moment for me. i realized that i had been holding onto my discontent so tightly that it had become a sin that consumed my thoughts and pained my heart. the times i had confessed to God and asked for patience, my motives were all wrong. i often wanted to be forgiven or move on because i didn't want to be distracted from my campers or hurt my friends or affect david or anything like that. my reasons for turning to God were not correct. they were people/self-centered and not at all God-centered. this being said, i realized how much my discontent offends and hurts God and for THAT reason, turned to Him and confessed. the transformation of my weary heart into a joyful one was almost instant. it became so apparent that long-distance has been a blessing and i should rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign and loves me dearly.
anyway, that's basically what i learned all week. it just kind of came to the surface yesterday. and i praise God for that! it's been a marvelous couple days and i cannot wait to finish out my time here at camp strong and happy and content and rejoicing.
hallelujah.
i hope your heart is as full of thankfulness and joy as mine is.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
summer debriefing project. week seven.
hello all.
it's crazy for me to think that it's really been seven weeks since i've started this whole "weekly blogging" thing. it's been a labor of love for me and i've really benefitted from it. so much so that i might continue a form of it some way or another this fall. we'll see.
anyway, let's start:
sunday: sunday was a bit weird. we had church at camp and jonathan taught on ecclesiastes. it was really beneficial and different from most of the lessons that had been shared in the past. i really enjoyed it. i was really excited about the week because i had youngest girls with jenny. i knew that one of our campers was going to be a handful, but everyone else was kind of new to me. sunday went by really quickly. mostly jenny and i just laughed at the little girls. they decided to call us their momma bird. let me tell you, there is nothing creepier than being in the middle of a field and having a little girl (that you barely know) walk up to you and say "mommyyyy." the day past as sundays usually do. it was weird to think "this is my last sunday as a counselor". my mind moved past that pretty quickly, though. the night game was a little different than usual. from the get-go, ryan (our camp director) was acting kind of loopy. so when he met us in the basement and said "i've been brainstorming", we new something was going to be different about the week.
monday: monday started with an early morning and sun. jenny and i checked cabins and took naps during our free periods. it was nice to just have some time to hang out with her. she's pretty fun to be around and such. the last twenty minutes of rest hour was really fun. we had a stretching circle and wrote a pretty crazy story. monday afternoon we played a game that i can't for the life of me remember. i bet it involved running and being in the sun. but i really can't remember. monday night campfire was a sweet one for me. i sat quietly and wrote while ryan spoke. i feel like this marked the beginning of the de-loading process of week five. as the week went on, i became more and more focused on emptying my mind so i could stay focused. i don't know if that makes sense to you, but it makes so much sense to me. cabin devotions were absolutely crazy. if i learned anything this week, it's that nine-year-old girls are crazy. and they (for the most part) cannot listen that long. hahaha i think we were asked four separate times how old God was this night. jen and i explained it the first few times we were asked...and then we were just like "what did we JUST say" after that.
tuesday: ah this day was so nice. the morning started early (per usual) and we all found out that we had the most campers this summer than ever before. ryan had said at the beginning of the summer that if we broke the record, he would shave his head into a mohawk. so obviously we got excited for the mohawk to come. this morning, jenny and i checked cabins and took showers and then went to the coffeeshop in livingston with jacob. it was nice to get away from camp for an hour and sit in quiet. i wrote letters and we all talked very little. tuesday afternoon we went on the mountain hike. it was really fun. i love the mountain hike a lot, but this one just sticks out in my mind. me and two of my girls (micah and sarah) sat on the rocks at the top and looked. we looked at things we liked and pointed them out to each other. micah liked the brightness of the sun on the leaves. sarah liked how water sparkled on the rocks. we all liked the color of the moss. it was a beautiful time and inspired me greatly. camp always reminds me at how good it is to live in a constant state of wonder. tuesday night was the forty-yard dash. it was a crazy time that was full of funny stretches and todd wearing my dress and me just laughing a lot.
campfire went well. i absolutely love singing with anna. she has a lovely voice and our voices meld really well together. so worship this week was really fun. the night game was night-octaball. mostly it was spent trying to keep the campers from freaking out. devotions was short and sweet. we all started porch talks this night. it definitely was an eye-opening experience for me. it s so humbling to be a counselor and talk to girls who are vastly more wise and spiritually sound than you are. it's even more humbling to talk to a littler girl who really doesn't have much of a clue about what God's grace and love really is. i had to go back to the basics and it was a really good lesson for me.
wednesday: the summer has been a really long one. and it definitely began wearing on my health this day. i started getting a bad cold/flu. i really loved polar-bearing this morning. i don't exactly know why. i think it was because the girls and jenny got so into it. activities went well. there were some really sweet return-campers in jacob's and i's photography class. it was also fun to just hang out with jacob all morning. he's such a cool cat. wednesday rest hour was pretty much crazy. i threatened bank time and gave out bank time a lot. during snack shack, jenny and i checked cabins. no one knew we were coming then so the cabins were pretty messy. the funnest thing about being cabin inspector is feeling like you get to go behind the scenes and see how the boys cabins are. mostly they're gross and occupied by shirtless boy counselors. our girls did the zip line this afternoon. they had enough people working it, so i worked the climbing tower with a jr. counselor named hunter. hunter's so cool and we became pretty close friends this summer. i kind of treasure the nice talk we had. by this time, i was getting pretty attached to a couple of our girls. isabelle is a cute little freckled girl with read hair and the hugest brown eyes ever. her demeanor is really sweet and obedient. micah was another girl that i just loved to pieces. she has wild blonde hair and was so so spunky. we took hose showers and got ready for banquet. the little girls are really fun with banquet because they like to dress up, but they're not trying to impress any boys or anything. so they don't have to look perfect. i liked this banquet night a lot. it was a little crazy because it was the last one, but it was also nice. campfire was beautiful. i usually am not super emotional, but i was this night. i don't know if it was a combination of being tired and seeing ryan struggle to get the message out or what, but by the time he was done delivering the gospel, i was in tears. some of our campers stayed behind at the campfire afterwards. one of them accepted Christ! it was a little magical to sit with jenny and pray for ryan and listen to him answer the kids' questions. after this sweet evening came chaos. when jen and i got back to the cabin, some of the girls that stayed back at the campfire began trying to baptize each other in the bathroom. it was a mixture of frustrating and hilarious. i had a very rough porch talk this night that ended in hysterical tears from my camper and sympathetic ones from jenny and i. it's so hard to be a child. especially if your home life is less than perfect. my camper didn't know what she could do to change it, but she did know she adored her family and couldn't ever leave them. it was kind of ridiculously heartbreaking.
thursday: it rained a lot this day. i kind loved it. we had extended rest hour because of the rain and planned the BEST skit ever. jenny was the mastermind behind the whole thing. after the nice rest, we checked cabins. isabelle, micah, and i went on a "mud run" with a small group this day. it was super fun and muddy and exhausting. mostly it was fun to just do something so different from the usual afternoon activity. thursday night skit night was one of the best ones yet. jenny and i didn't know where to have unit campfire, so we had it at the burn barrel. it was so fun and super adorable to see all the little girls around the fire. we roasted marshmallows like proper little hobos. although the girls weren't particularly focused, it was really nice to minister to them next to jenny. i feel like this week was really good for me because it showed me a whole new side of jen. we are so different in a lot of things, but we work really well together. porch talks ran pretty short this evening and i got to go to sleep early. it was relieving to know that i didn't have to teach another devotion for a while. that sounds bad, but camp leaves you so exhausted spiritually. you give and give and give and are rarely filled yourself. it's good to know that i have a time ahead of me where i can be on the other end of the whole discipling thing.
friday: this day went by the fastest out of all the days this summer. i felt like i got out of bed, blinked, and then got back into bed. photography ended well. rest hour was hilarious. jen and i had "snugglebus" time. this is where we say "snuggle bussss" and everybody gets on jenny's bed and snuggles. jenny and i were pretty delirious at this point, so everything was funny. water day went well. it was the first water day in a while that it was actually really hot. so the pool felt super nice. i almost had a meltdown friday evening before awards. the girls were crazy and super disobedient (excluding three or so of our campers who actually listened) and they were wearing on my nerves. i also was just SO tired. so i went into the freezer and screamed. the freezer's soundproof so it was super satisfying. i got to talk to erin (a really cool jr. counselor) and that was a sweet time. ryan's mohawk was cut and everybody went crazy! worship this night was probably the most moving because i knew it was the last time that i would be apart of bonfire worship on the island. i watched as the sun set and the moon rose. as we sang "how he loves", a cool breeze stirred the leaves around us. it was truly marvelous. it also got me thinking of how much God's love is like a cool breeze on a hot summer evening. it comforts and refreshes and revives. testimonies went well. i (like usual) wasn't planning on sharing. but then i realized that this was my last night ever. so i did. i used the fact that i had been thinking on how to carry camp with me this fall to my advantage and challenged the campers to do the same. it was so incredible to feel like none of the words i was speaking were my own. i felt that they were all the Holy Spirit speaking through me. the "friday night party" that usually happens didn't really happen this night. our girls were being so rambunctious that both jenny and i put on our momma voices and scolded them into submission. after that it was fun. we took webcam photos and had one last snugglebus time. then jen and sarah and i stayed up until two making the slideshow. that was kind of a perfect way to end the week. it was quiet and fun and full of lots of laughter.
saturday: was so nice. the campers left and it was sad. some of them i will legitimately miss a LOT. jenny and i cleaned the cabin with our jr. counselor (peyton) and then we popped bubble wrap to celebrate. we slept in the pine forest and took showers and such. last night we had a little banquet for the staff. it was a really sweet time. we laughed and danced to sinatra and had "goobie" awards. the most impacting part of the night was hearing ryan share his thoughts on the summer. he teared up within seconds of starting his testimony. i instantly knew i was going to cry. out of everyone at camp, i will miss ryan the most. he talked about what a blessing we were to him and he encouraged us (with such zeal) that our work was not in vain this summer. ah. it was so wonderful and so influencing and so inspiring. i cried pretty openly. afterwards, we all did dishes and laughed and danced some more. anna, julie, hannah, jenny, and i went to sonic and looked at the lightning. the night ended with anna and i giggling in my bunk and agreeing that this was the best summer of camp yet.
today's been nice. i went to church with a group from camp and said some final goodbyes. i got to spend some time one-on-one with hannah and drive a lot in the rain.
i've had the best summer counseling at camp. but i'm so glad that my time at camp isn't over. i still am working almost two weeks of retreats with some of my most favorite people and that's so exciting to me. i think it will give me a chance to detox and work camp out of my system...instead of quitting it cold turkey.
overview: this week has definitely talk me the importance of being able to deliver the gospel simply. it doesn't always have to be a big, theological presentation. it really just comes down to the fact that God loves us and we can accept that love through Jesus's blood. it's also taught me more about jenny's and i's friendship and how i can better love her.
this summer (counseling wise) has first and foremost taught me that God's power is so much bigger than my own. He is so large and i can simply rest in that. it's taught me that the best times are the hardest. and that He really is the source of every good thing that i can express. whether it be love, or patience, or wisdom, any time i can be those, it's because of the Lord's grace and provision.
it's been a beautiful summer, but it's not over yet!
it's crazy for me to think that it's really been seven weeks since i've started this whole "weekly blogging" thing. it's been a labor of love for me and i've really benefitted from it. so much so that i might continue a form of it some way or another this fall. we'll see.
anyway, let's start:
sunday: sunday was a bit weird. we had church at camp and jonathan taught on ecclesiastes. it was really beneficial and different from most of the lessons that had been shared in the past. i really enjoyed it. i was really excited about the week because i had youngest girls with jenny. i knew that one of our campers was going to be a handful, but everyone else was kind of new to me. sunday went by really quickly. mostly jenny and i just laughed at the little girls. they decided to call us their momma bird. let me tell you, there is nothing creepier than being in the middle of a field and having a little girl (that you barely know) walk up to you and say "mommyyyy." the day past as sundays usually do. it was weird to think "this is my last sunday as a counselor". my mind moved past that pretty quickly, though. the night game was a little different than usual. from the get-go, ryan (our camp director) was acting kind of loopy. so when he met us in the basement and said "i've been brainstorming", we new something was going to be different about the week.
monday: monday started with an early morning and sun. jenny and i checked cabins and took naps during our free periods. it was nice to just have some time to hang out with her. she's pretty fun to be around and such. the last twenty minutes of rest hour was really fun. we had a stretching circle and wrote a pretty crazy story. monday afternoon we played a game that i can't for the life of me remember. i bet it involved running and being in the sun. but i really can't remember. monday night campfire was a sweet one for me. i sat quietly and wrote while ryan spoke. i feel like this marked the beginning of the de-loading process of week five. as the week went on, i became more and more focused on emptying my mind so i could stay focused. i don't know if that makes sense to you, but it makes so much sense to me. cabin devotions were absolutely crazy. if i learned anything this week, it's that nine-year-old girls are crazy. and they (for the most part) cannot listen that long. hahaha i think we were asked four separate times how old God was this night. jen and i explained it the first few times we were asked...and then we were just like "what did we JUST say" after that.
tuesday: ah this day was so nice. the morning started early (per usual) and we all found out that we had the most campers this summer than ever before. ryan had said at the beginning of the summer that if we broke the record, he would shave his head into a mohawk. so obviously we got excited for the mohawk to come. this morning, jenny and i checked cabins and took showers and then went to the coffeeshop in livingston with jacob. it was nice to get away from camp for an hour and sit in quiet. i wrote letters and we all talked very little. tuesday afternoon we went on the mountain hike. it was really fun. i love the mountain hike a lot, but this one just sticks out in my mind. me and two of my girls (micah and sarah) sat on the rocks at the top and looked. we looked at things we liked and pointed them out to each other. micah liked the brightness of the sun on the leaves. sarah liked how water sparkled on the rocks. we all liked the color of the moss. it was a beautiful time and inspired me greatly. camp always reminds me at how good it is to live in a constant state of wonder. tuesday night was the forty-yard dash. it was a crazy time that was full of funny stretches and todd wearing my dress and me just laughing a lot.
campfire went well. i absolutely love singing with anna. she has a lovely voice and our voices meld really well together. so worship this week was really fun. the night game was night-octaball. mostly it was spent trying to keep the campers from freaking out. devotions was short and sweet. we all started porch talks this night. it definitely was an eye-opening experience for me. it s so humbling to be a counselor and talk to girls who are vastly more wise and spiritually sound than you are. it's even more humbling to talk to a littler girl who really doesn't have much of a clue about what God's grace and love really is. i had to go back to the basics and it was a really good lesson for me.
wednesday: the summer has been a really long one. and it definitely began wearing on my health this day. i started getting a bad cold/flu. i really loved polar-bearing this morning. i don't exactly know why. i think it was because the girls and jenny got so into it. activities went well. there were some really sweet return-campers in jacob's and i's photography class. it was also fun to just hang out with jacob all morning. he's such a cool cat. wednesday rest hour was pretty much crazy. i threatened bank time and gave out bank time a lot. during snack shack, jenny and i checked cabins. no one knew we were coming then so the cabins were pretty messy. the funnest thing about being cabin inspector is feeling like you get to go behind the scenes and see how the boys cabins are. mostly they're gross and occupied by shirtless boy counselors. our girls did the zip line this afternoon. they had enough people working it, so i worked the climbing tower with a jr. counselor named hunter. hunter's so cool and we became pretty close friends this summer. i kind of treasure the nice talk we had. by this time, i was getting pretty attached to a couple of our girls. isabelle is a cute little freckled girl with read hair and the hugest brown eyes ever. her demeanor is really sweet and obedient. micah was another girl that i just loved to pieces. she has wild blonde hair and was so so spunky. we took hose showers and got ready for banquet. the little girls are really fun with banquet because they like to dress up, but they're not trying to impress any boys or anything. so they don't have to look perfect. i liked this banquet night a lot. it was a little crazy because it was the last one, but it was also nice. campfire was beautiful. i usually am not super emotional, but i was this night. i don't know if it was a combination of being tired and seeing ryan struggle to get the message out or what, but by the time he was done delivering the gospel, i was in tears. some of our campers stayed behind at the campfire afterwards. one of them accepted Christ! it was a little magical to sit with jenny and pray for ryan and listen to him answer the kids' questions. after this sweet evening came chaos. when jen and i got back to the cabin, some of the girls that stayed back at the campfire began trying to baptize each other in the bathroom. it was a mixture of frustrating and hilarious. i had a very rough porch talk this night that ended in hysterical tears from my camper and sympathetic ones from jenny and i. it's so hard to be a child. especially if your home life is less than perfect. my camper didn't know what she could do to change it, but she did know she adored her family and couldn't ever leave them. it was kind of ridiculously heartbreaking.
thursday: it rained a lot this day. i kind loved it. we had extended rest hour because of the rain and planned the BEST skit ever. jenny was the mastermind behind the whole thing. after the nice rest, we checked cabins. isabelle, micah, and i went on a "mud run" with a small group this day. it was super fun and muddy and exhausting. mostly it was fun to just do something so different from the usual afternoon activity. thursday night skit night was one of the best ones yet. jenny and i didn't know where to have unit campfire, so we had it at the burn barrel. it was so fun and super adorable to see all the little girls around the fire. we roasted marshmallows like proper little hobos. although the girls weren't particularly focused, it was really nice to minister to them next to jenny. i feel like this week was really good for me because it showed me a whole new side of jen. we are so different in a lot of things, but we work really well together. porch talks ran pretty short this evening and i got to go to sleep early. it was relieving to know that i didn't have to teach another devotion for a while. that sounds bad, but camp leaves you so exhausted spiritually. you give and give and give and are rarely filled yourself. it's good to know that i have a time ahead of me where i can be on the other end of the whole discipling thing.
friday: this day went by the fastest out of all the days this summer. i felt like i got out of bed, blinked, and then got back into bed. photography ended well. rest hour was hilarious. jen and i had "snugglebus" time. this is where we say "snuggle bussss" and everybody gets on jenny's bed and snuggles. jenny and i were pretty delirious at this point, so everything was funny. water day went well. it was the first water day in a while that it was actually really hot. so the pool felt super nice. i almost had a meltdown friday evening before awards. the girls were crazy and super disobedient (excluding three or so of our campers who actually listened) and they were wearing on my nerves. i also was just SO tired. so i went into the freezer and screamed. the freezer's soundproof so it was super satisfying. i got to talk to erin (a really cool jr. counselor) and that was a sweet time. ryan's mohawk was cut and everybody went crazy! worship this night was probably the most moving because i knew it was the last time that i would be apart of bonfire worship on the island. i watched as the sun set and the moon rose. as we sang "how he loves", a cool breeze stirred the leaves around us. it was truly marvelous. it also got me thinking of how much God's love is like a cool breeze on a hot summer evening. it comforts and refreshes and revives. testimonies went well. i (like usual) wasn't planning on sharing. but then i realized that this was my last night ever. so i did. i used the fact that i had been thinking on how to carry camp with me this fall to my advantage and challenged the campers to do the same. it was so incredible to feel like none of the words i was speaking were my own. i felt that they were all the Holy Spirit speaking through me. the "friday night party" that usually happens didn't really happen this night. our girls were being so rambunctious that both jenny and i put on our momma voices and scolded them into submission. after that it was fun. we took webcam photos and had one last snugglebus time. then jen and sarah and i stayed up until two making the slideshow. that was kind of a perfect way to end the week. it was quiet and fun and full of lots of laughter.
saturday: was so nice. the campers left and it was sad. some of them i will legitimately miss a LOT. jenny and i cleaned the cabin with our jr. counselor (peyton) and then we popped bubble wrap to celebrate. we slept in the pine forest and took showers and such. last night we had a little banquet for the staff. it was a really sweet time. we laughed and danced to sinatra and had "goobie" awards. the most impacting part of the night was hearing ryan share his thoughts on the summer. he teared up within seconds of starting his testimony. i instantly knew i was going to cry. out of everyone at camp, i will miss ryan the most. he talked about what a blessing we were to him and he encouraged us (with such zeal) that our work was not in vain this summer. ah. it was so wonderful and so influencing and so inspiring. i cried pretty openly. afterwards, we all did dishes and laughed and danced some more. anna, julie, hannah, jenny, and i went to sonic and looked at the lightning. the night ended with anna and i giggling in my bunk and agreeing that this was the best summer of camp yet.
today's been nice. i went to church with a group from camp and said some final goodbyes. i got to spend some time one-on-one with hannah and drive a lot in the rain.
i've had the best summer counseling at camp. but i'm so glad that my time at camp isn't over. i still am working almost two weeks of retreats with some of my most favorite people and that's so exciting to me. i think it will give me a chance to detox and work camp out of my system...instead of quitting it cold turkey.
overview: this week has definitely talk me the importance of being able to deliver the gospel simply. it doesn't always have to be a big, theological presentation. it really just comes down to the fact that God loves us and we can accept that love through Jesus's blood. it's also taught me more about jenny's and i's friendship and how i can better love her.
this summer (counseling wise) has first and foremost taught me that God's power is so much bigger than my own. He is so large and i can simply rest in that. it's taught me that the best times are the hardest. and that He really is the source of every good thing that i can express. whether it be love, or patience, or wisdom, any time i can be those, it's because of the Lord's grace and provision.
it's been a beautiful summer, but it's not over yet!
Saturday, July 6, 2013
summer debriefing project, week five.
my mind is pretty much racing right now, so i'm not sure this is the opportune time to blog about my week. my sweet, sweet david and two other friends sent me mail that just blew my mind. so now i'm like "ahh i love these people!"
anyway.
this week i am just going to kind of overview because it wasn't a normal camp week. we worked a retreat called "all nations" and julie, jenny, and i were in charge of making dinner. it actually ended up being super fun, in spite of being in the kitchen alllll day erryday. all of our meals were a success, in spite of a few mishaps ("this is a financial disaster!"-julie). mostly the week was spent reading, listening, laughing, watching "monster U" (so adorable), and a lot of thinking. i got to skype david, which of course was great. overall, the week was really about serving. service (like kitchen work) is so satisfying because there are such tangible results after your work is through. with counseling (which is a completely different kind of serving) the results are spiritual and emotional and you can't ever really grasp them. so it was a nice change to see people really enjoying my work. it rained all week too. and I LOVE CAMP WHEN IT RAINS! (i yelled this earlier this week and julie and jenny were kind of at a loss for words). yesterday was spent at ryan and lucy's house (our camp director and his wife) doing laundry. we watched "parent trap" and "gilmore girls" until it was dark and pretty much never moved from the couch. it was a pretty restful week and i'm so glad i got to be a part of it.
that's pretty much it.
anyway.
this week i am just going to kind of overview because it wasn't a normal camp week. we worked a retreat called "all nations" and julie, jenny, and i were in charge of making dinner. it actually ended up being super fun, in spite of being in the kitchen alllll day erryday. all of our meals were a success, in spite of a few mishaps ("this is a financial disaster!"-julie). mostly the week was spent reading, listening, laughing, watching "monster U" (so adorable), and a lot of thinking. i got to skype david, which of course was great. overall, the week was really about serving. service (like kitchen work) is so satisfying because there are such tangible results after your work is through. with counseling (which is a completely different kind of serving) the results are spiritual and emotional and you can't ever really grasp them. so it was a nice change to see people really enjoying my work. it rained all week too. and I LOVE CAMP WHEN IT RAINS! (i yelled this earlier this week and julie and jenny were kind of at a loss for words). yesterday was spent at ryan and lucy's house (our camp director and his wife) doing laundry. we watched "parent trap" and "gilmore girls" until it was dark and pretty much never moved from the couch. it was a pretty restful week and i'm so glad i got to be a part of it.
that's pretty much it.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
summer debriefing project. week three.
good afternoon! i am sitting in an artsy-fartsy "coffee bar" in Cookeville. i have an iced vanilla coffee and jenny by my side, so obviously things couldn't get much better.
this week was draining emotionally and spiritually. it was great, but also crazy.
i think the whole day thing went really well last week, so i'm going to that again.
sunday: i was so excited to have the middle girls. they were coming with a big group from knoxville that has come to camp many years, so i knew they would be enthusiastic. i had a great day of rest on saturday and got to talk to jen and david in the same day (wowee). julie was my kind of co-counselor (we were in separate cabins that decided to combine) and we both had great jr. counselors, so it looked like a promising week. church that morning was so awesome too. i always forget how nice it is to worship at camp until i'm there and almost in tears because it's just so beautiful. it was so so so crazy when the girls got to camp. their moms were CRAZY (for the most part) and unpacking was so chaotic. we ended up going to dinner as the "braidy bunch" and braided all crazy. we also established three important rules for our cabin: 1) breathe, 2) never back down, 3) always give 100% (this was usually followed with a warrior pose). the girls seemed sweet and all was well.
monday: counselor meetings started this day. these are my favorite and i always enjoy them. i love the quiet, early mornings at camp. they are such a nice time dedicated to cups of tea/coffee on the porch, watching the sun shine through the mist and on the dew, and spending time with a holy and perfect God who just loves us so much. i ended up teaching riflery class. i want to go outside my comfort zone this summer and teach activities that i wouldn't usually. so i acted like a drill sergeant and yelled at the kids to respect me and whatnot. it was fun for the kids and fun for me. monday went by pretty quickly. it was nice to be able to sit back and let the kiddos have fun with eachother, but it was also chaotic to try to control them. i ended up being bad cop quite a lot this week. but that's okay. monday night, we went to dinner dressed as warriors and it was awesome. we did a lot of warrior poses and such. my porch talks began this night. i usually take girls out onto the field with a blanket instead of just sitting on the porch. i like that because it allows us to sit under the large, starry sky and observe how large God is.
tuesday: life was so difficult this day. i would rather not talk about it that much, so i kind of will skim tuesday. okay so the huge thing that happened this day was skit night. skit night was probably the best i have seen since i have been working at camp. like they were SO clever and hilarious. our girls were missionaries from the FUTURE (futurefuturefuture...) and went to all the planets (including the dwarf planet, Pluto and a planet named SOLAR). They were adorable and did so well. i was pretty impatient this day and was not able to "roll with the punches" or whatever the saying is. i ended up crying and calling david during the night game. that was both exhausting and humiliating and new. but david was so patient. and instead of giving me empty encouragement, he spoke truth to me. and that was priceless. one of my campers got saved on tuesday night, too. i feel like that was Jesus just confirming that life is good and He is good and He has a plan.
wednesday: this is my favorite day at resident camp. the gospel of salvation is presented and great things usually happen. i was so spent this day. my vocal chords were in pain and i was so tired. but my heart was not as heavy as it had been. the thing that impressed me so much this week, was that my girls were so supportive of eachother. all of them were just very sweet and seemed to really care for eachother! that's such an amazing thing to encounter in a group of 19 girls. campfire wednesday night was great. ryan did an excellent job giving the most beautiful message you could ever give. this night was banquet. banquet night is ALWAYS CRAZY. it's so fun to dress up, but it's also like AHHH CAMPERS! i got to take a picture with one of my favorite campers this week, wheat. his name was wheat. so you know, a picture with me is hilarious. because i'm wheat-intolerant! hahaha
i thought it was funny.
thursday: i really got to know some of the quieter campers this day. that was so invaluable to me. we sat and made bracelets and wrote stories at the pool. thursday night was an emotional night for some of the campers. it was a quiet kind of day for me. i woke up an hour later than usual and felt rested.
friday: this day was full of fun and jenny got to camp! in riflery, i had them complete a challenge to get their award and gave a talk about training in righteousness. it really summed up the whole week really well. i asked wheat what his favorite part about camp was and he quietly answered "the people here." it kind of hit me that that's my favorite part about camp too. water day went so well. i ate TONS of candy to get myself pumped up enough to be excited. after the water slide, we took hose showers in our bathings suits and ran around in the sun to dry our hair. then jenny came. and everybody kind of got crazy excited because she's basically the best. everything about this night was lovely. the bonfire was awesome. a little boy named perry cried softly in my arms for most of it. it was a good time for me to just love on him. i love little boy campers. they're so sweet and innocent still. i got to know a lot of the younger boys this week and that was so so so nice. i ended up giving my testimony at bonfire night, even though i didn't plan to. the party that we had in our cabin was crazy, but (luckily) short-lived. before we knew it, all of us (we were piled on the floor) were asleep.
saturday: (that's today) all of the girls left in a whirlwind. i realized, as i took a super super long shower after they all left, that i was just so drained and needed to be alone. so i have been. and then i got to talk to jen. and that's been good. basically, today has been good.
so yeah, that's my week. it's been crazzzzy and fun.
i have anna (who is so so great) as a junior counselor next week and some campers that i have had in years past. so i'm really excited. but i am a little tired. so hopefully i can get rested.
i hope that you know that Jesus loves you so much and that He always provides, because i was very pointedly reminded of that this week. i was also reminded that i am such a needy person. i just need lots of things. like love, rest, encouragement, and (more than anything) Jesus.
have a great week, yo.
this week was draining emotionally and spiritually. it was great, but also crazy.
i think the whole day thing went really well last week, so i'm going to that again.
sunday: i was so excited to have the middle girls. they were coming with a big group from knoxville that has come to camp many years, so i knew they would be enthusiastic. i had a great day of rest on saturday and got to talk to jen and david in the same day (wowee). julie was my kind of co-counselor (we were in separate cabins that decided to combine) and we both had great jr. counselors, so it looked like a promising week. church that morning was so awesome too. i always forget how nice it is to worship at camp until i'm there and almost in tears because it's just so beautiful. it was so so so crazy when the girls got to camp. their moms were CRAZY (for the most part) and unpacking was so chaotic. we ended up going to dinner as the "braidy bunch" and braided all crazy. we also established three important rules for our cabin: 1) breathe, 2) never back down, 3) always give 100% (this was usually followed with a warrior pose). the girls seemed sweet and all was well.
monday: counselor meetings started this day. these are my favorite and i always enjoy them. i love the quiet, early mornings at camp. they are such a nice time dedicated to cups of tea/coffee on the porch, watching the sun shine through the mist and on the dew, and spending time with a holy and perfect God who just loves us so much. i ended up teaching riflery class. i want to go outside my comfort zone this summer and teach activities that i wouldn't usually. so i acted like a drill sergeant and yelled at the kids to respect me and whatnot. it was fun for the kids and fun for me. monday went by pretty quickly. it was nice to be able to sit back and let the kiddos have fun with eachother, but it was also chaotic to try to control them. i ended up being bad cop quite a lot this week. but that's okay. monday night, we went to dinner dressed as warriors and it was awesome. we did a lot of warrior poses and such. my porch talks began this night. i usually take girls out onto the field with a blanket instead of just sitting on the porch. i like that because it allows us to sit under the large, starry sky and observe how large God is.
tuesday: life was so difficult this day. i would rather not talk about it that much, so i kind of will skim tuesday. okay so the huge thing that happened this day was skit night. skit night was probably the best i have seen since i have been working at camp. like they were SO clever and hilarious. our girls were missionaries from the FUTURE (futurefuturefuture...) and went to all the planets (including the dwarf planet, Pluto and a planet named SOLAR). They were adorable and did so well. i was pretty impatient this day and was not able to "roll with the punches" or whatever the saying is. i ended up crying and calling david during the night game. that was both exhausting and humiliating and new. but david was so patient. and instead of giving me empty encouragement, he spoke truth to me. and that was priceless. one of my campers got saved on tuesday night, too. i feel like that was Jesus just confirming that life is good and He is good and He has a plan.
wednesday: this is my favorite day at resident camp. the gospel of salvation is presented and great things usually happen. i was so spent this day. my vocal chords were in pain and i was so tired. but my heart was not as heavy as it had been. the thing that impressed me so much this week, was that my girls were so supportive of eachother. all of them were just very sweet and seemed to really care for eachother! that's such an amazing thing to encounter in a group of 19 girls. campfire wednesday night was great. ryan did an excellent job giving the most beautiful message you could ever give. this night was banquet. banquet night is ALWAYS CRAZY. it's so fun to dress up, but it's also like AHHH CAMPERS! i got to take a picture with one of my favorite campers this week, wheat. his name was wheat. so you know, a picture with me is hilarious. because i'm wheat-intolerant! hahaha
i thought it was funny.
thursday: i really got to know some of the quieter campers this day. that was so invaluable to me. we sat and made bracelets and wrote stories at the pool. thursday night was an emotional night for some of the campers. it was a quiet kind of day for me. i woke up an hour later than usual and felt rested.
friday: this day was full of fun and jenny got to camp! in riflery, i had them complete a challenge to get their award and gave a talk about training in righteousness. it really summed up the whole week really well. i asked wheat what his favorite part about camp was and he quietly answered "the people here." it kind of hit me that that's my favorite part about camp too. water day went so well. i ate TONS of candy to get myself pumped up enough to be excited. after the water slide, we took hose showers in our bathings suits and ran around in the sun to dry our hair. then jenny came. and everybody kind of got crazy excited because she's basically the best. everything about this night was lovely. the bonfire was awesome. a little boy named perry cried softly in my arms for most of it. it was a good time for me to just love on him. i love little boy campers. they're so sweet and innocent still. i got to know a lot of the younger boys this week and that was so so so nice. i ended up giving my testimony at bonfire night, even though i didn't plan to. the party that we had in our cabin was crazy, but (luckily) short-lived. before we knew it, all of us (we were piled on the floor) were asleep.
saturday: (that's today) all of the girls left in a whirlwind. i realized, as i took a super super long shower after they all left, that i was just so drained and needed to be alone. so i have been. and then i got to talk to jen. and that's been good. basically, today has been good.
so yeah, that's my week. it's been crazzzzy and fun.
i have anna (who is so so great) as a junior counselor next week and some campers that i have had in years past. so i'm really excited. but i am a little tired. so hopefully i can get rested.
i hope that you know that Jesus loves you so much and that He always provides, because i was very pointedly reminded of that this week. i was also reminded that i am such a needy person. i just need lots of things. like love, rest, encouragement, and (more than anything) Jesus.
have a great week, yo.
Friday, June 14, 2013
summer debriefing project. week two.
hello all. i hope this finds you happy and healthy.
this week was my first official week of working at camp. it was hectic, crazy, draining, and extremely fun. i had the youngest girls (ages five and six and i also had one seven year old) in day camp.
let me recap the weeks by days:
monday: this day was fun, but i was still getting over being exhausted from haiti. i barely remember any of it, except naptime. the youngest kids get to nap everyday, which is awesome. they don't all sleep, however. and they are rather particular about details in the stories you tell. i tried to make cinderella's dress green and all hell broke loose. also, i began reading hosea, the psalms, and first corinthians. that was nice.
tuesday: i was so tired this day. also i was missing david pretty vehemently. that distracted me/frustrated me tremendously and i didn't know what to do about it. we all went to the "lava rocks" and built forts this day. that was so fun. my girls and i (the purple indian tribe) waged war on adam and his boys (i think his name was wolf-fang or something). potions and bows and arrows and spy attacks were involved. i really got to bond with my camper macy this day. she is a cute little ginger girl with freckles and the sweetest smile. i slept for a short while during naptime and felt like i got hit by a truck as a result. this was also the day that a group of girls (macy, liza, ava, and olivia) dubbed me "chumbo" in the pool. apparently that is a really good villain name. i was a little emotional and had an asthma attack this night. so although it wasn't a bad day, it definitely wasn't a good one.
wednesday: wednesday began with a large book with a timeline it it all spread out on the table in the dining hall. some of us gathered around it and read about people and how long their lives were and stuff. it was kind of a nice beginning to the day. i was so tired this day, but not quite as whiny, which was good. my group (group 2) was the youngest boys and the youngest girls. the youngest boys were HILARIOUS. like a lot. i wish i could write down everything that this one camper blake said. because he was a real gem. the girls told me all about my past as chumbo and how i came to cedar lake (who are you and whatchyoudoin'?). lots of giggles were had by all. gs-ing with julie and hannah was super nice this evening. banquet was so fun. i forgot my camera and didn't really have a reason to take pictures, so julie and i ran around and tried to photobomb jonathan. in the past jonathan has ruined countless beautiful photographs of certain groups of people. this plan, however did not work. instead, julie and i grabbed random campers and posed with them. after worship (which was so nice to be apart of) i skyped david. it's a little embarrassing how much my mood changed after that. it was nice to catch up and be able to kind of share our lives with eachother.
thursday: this was the beginning of the end. we were all so tired, but the exhaustion expressed itself through delirium. silly songs were incredibly intense and finger-extenders were flawlessly executed. the rest of the day was a little bit of a blur, because it was just so fun. water day was very fun (even though my baby camper payton slept through it) and i really enjoyed getting to spend time with adam and jr. counselor blake all day. even if they threw gross water on me. the slip-n-slide was (of course) both dangerous and thrilling. the poor little campers got some battle wounds, but it's all apart of the show. thursday night skits were really fun to watch! i feel like the cabins worked pretty hard on them. after that, we (day camp staff +a few) went to sams and sonic. julie, karley, hannah, and i danced (a lot) and got lost on the way there. when we got to sonic, it was super overwhelming, but a good time was had by all. i feel like i really got to bond with our new director, megan, so that was pretty cool. the staff seems so much more of a whole unit than last summer. that's really refreshing and uplifting to me. i slept SO WELL this night.
friday/today: this was such a hard/good/hilarious day. i was basically in a zombie state for most of the morning. EXCEPT during silly songs. silly songs reached epic proportions this morning and "with jesus in the boat" never sounded/looked better. feeling expressed, lives were changed, and the pavilion will never see such a big finish (when we're sailing HOMMMMMEEEEEE). i felt like the whole day i was saying to myself "JUST PUSH THROUGH". none of the kids (except sweet little matthew) slept during naptime. i told two stories and, according to adam, i slurred my words and not many of my sentences connected. i was laying on the couch, so i was most likely telling the stories in my sleep. i got to be "chumbo" one last time. when the girls left, i was pretty sad...actually a lot more sad than i thought i would be. i gave some of them my address, so i hope they'll write me. after a nice gs, i felt refreshed and slightly insane. julie and i were crazy all day today and that was really entertaining/enjoyable.
and that's about it.
sorry this is long.
kaybye
this week was my first official week of working at camp. it was hectic, crazy, draining, and extremely fun. i had the youngest girls (ages five and six and i also had one seven year old) in day camp.
let me recap the weeks by days:
monday: this day was fun, but i was still getting over being exhausted from haiti. i barely remember any of it, except naptime. the youngest kids get to nap everyday, which is awesome. they don't all sleep, however. and they are rather particular about details in the stories you tell. i tried to make cinderella's dress green and all hell broke loose. also, i began reading hosea, the psalms, and first corinthians. that was nice.
tuesday: i was so tired this day. also i was missing david pretty vehemently. that distracted me/frustrated me tremendously and i didn't know what to do about it. we all went to the "lava rocks" and built forts this day. that was so fun. my girls and i (the purple indian tribe) waged war on adam and his boys (i think his name was wolf-fang or something). potions and bows and arrows and spy attacks were involved. i really got to bond with my camper macy this day. she is a cute little ginger girl with freckles and the sweetest smile. i slept for a short while during naptime and felt like i got hit by a truck as a result. this was also the day that a group of girls (macy, liza, ava, and olivia) dubbed me "chumbo" in the pool. apparently that is a really good villain name. i was a little emotional and had an asthma attack this night. so although it wasn't a bad day, it definitely wasn't a good one.
wednesday: wednesday began with a large book with a timeline it it all spread out on the table in the dining hall. some of us gathered around it and read about people and how long their lives were and stuff. it was kind of a nice beginning to the day. i was so tired this day, but not quite as whiny, which was good. my group (group 2) was the youngest boys and the youngest girls. the youngest boys were HILARIOUS. like a lot. i wish i could write down everything that this one camper blake said. because he was a real gem. the girls told me all about my past as chumbo and how i came to cedar lake (who are you and whatchyoudoin'?). lots of giggles were had by all. gs-ing with julie and hannah was super nice this evening. banquet was so fun. i forgot my camera and didn't really have a reason to take pictures, so julie and i ran around and tried to photobomb jonathan. in the past jonathan has ruined countless beautiful photographs of certain groups of people. this plan, however did not work. instead, julie and i grabbed random campers and posed with them. after worship (which was so nice to be apart of) i skyped david. it's a little embarrassing how much my mood changed after that. it was nice to catch up and be able to kind of share our lives with eachother.
thursday: this was the beginning of the end. we were all so tired, but the exhaustion expressed itself through delirium. silly songs were incredibly intense and finger-extenders were flawlessly executed. the rest of the day was a little bit of a blur, because it was just so fun. water day was very fun (even though my baby camper payton slept through it) and i really enjoyed getting to spend time with adam and jr. counselor blake all day. even if they threw gross water on me. the slip-n-slide was (of course) both dangerous and thrilling. the poor little campers got some battle wounds, but it's all apart of the show. thursday night skits were really fun to watch! i feel like the cabins worked pretty hard on them. after that, we (day camp staff +a few) went to sams and sonic. julie, karley, hannah, and i danced (a lot) and got lost on the way there. when we got to sonic, it was super overwhelming, but a good time was had by all. i feel like i really got to bond with our new director, megan, so that was pretty cool. the staff seems so much more of a whole unit than last summer. that's really refreshing and uplifting to me. i slept SO WELL this night.
friday/today: this was such a hard/good/hilarious day. i was basically in a zombie state for most of the morning. EXCEPT during silly songs. silly songs reached epic proportions this morning and "with jesus in the boat" never sounded/looked better. feeling expressed, lives were changed, and the pavilion will never see such a big finish (when we're sailing HOMMMMMEEEEEE). i felt like the whole day i was saying to myself "JUST PUSH THROUGH". none of the kids (except sweet little matthew) slept during naptime. i told two stories and, according to adam, i slurred my words and not many of my sentences connected. i was laying on the couch, so i was most likely telling the stories in my sleep. i got to be "chumbo" one last time. when the girls left, i was pretty sad...actually a lot more sad than i thought i would be. i gave some of them my address, so i hope they'll write me. after a nice gs, i felt refreshed and slightly insane. julie and i were crazy all day today and that was really entertaining/enjoyable.
and that's about it.
sorry this is long.
kaybye
Sunday, June 9, 2013
summer debriefing project. week one.
so much of my summer has been very fast-paced already, so i thought i'd do a debriefing post every week. so if you grow tired of my life, i'm sorry.
this past week (and a little before that) i was in Bohoc, Haiti with a group from my church. i went to Haiti last year, but but i still did not know what to expect. the area was incredible and mountainous. last year, i fell in love with the coast. this year, i fell in love with the plateau. the way the trip impacted me can be split into three different categories: the way my own thoughts and heart changed, the beauty of the people, and the beauty of my team.
perhaps the largest thing that changed in me this week was my doubt. i have always known i have a hard time dying to myself. the very phrase "dying to yourself" has made me cringe. i have doubted the Holy Spirit's presence in my life and the power that gives. this week definitely taught me that i am actually, through the Holy Spirit, much more capable of dying to myself than i thought. who knew? this week also taught me that God is the Great Provider. i have subconsciously (and consciously) doubted that since i knew what money was and how it worked. through testimonies, stories, and things that happened before my eyes, i saw that there is nothing that i should worry about.
this past week (and a little before that) i was in Bohoc, Haiti with a group from my church. i went to Haiti last year, but but i still did not know what to expect. the area was incredible and mountainous. last year, i fell in love with the coast. this year, i fell in love with the plateau. the way the trip impacted me can be split into three different categories: the way my own thoughts and heart changed, the beauty of the people, and the beauty of my team.
perhaps the largest thing that changed in me this week was my doubt. i have always known i have a hard time dying to myself. the very phrase "dying to yourself" has made me cringe. i have doubted the Holy Spirit's presence in my life and the power that gives. this week definitely taught me that i am actually, through the Holy Spirit, much more capable of dying to myself than i thought. who knew? this week also taught me that God is the Great Provider. i have subconsciously (and consciously) doubted that since i knew what money was and how it worked. through testimonies, stories, and things that happened before my eyes, i saw that there is nothing that i should worry about.
another important thing that happened in my heart was a growing hunger to serve on the mission field. the intern that was with the organization (HAFF) we were working with was an incredible inspiration and help to me. she took me aside and answered my questions and gave recommendations on things i can be doing now to prepare my heart.
finally, i was reminded of the importance of prayer. especially the listening part of prayer. it is so great to be able to talk to God. but it is even better to know that He listens and that He responds.
the Haitian people are so stunning. they have faith in spite of their numerous afflictions. they have joy-so much joy that they seems to spit in the face of their sufferings saying: "look! i have a light you cannot put out!" they really, truly believe that God is on their side. that is an incredible lesson that i have definitely not learned completely. i wish i could describe every person that i met and cultivated relationships with. but that would honestly be a whole novel.
the people that were on the team with me were just breathtakingly beautiful. God did some great things in their hearts and it was so amazing to watch that happen/be apart of it. my youth pastor went and (as usual) it was great to be able to talk with him all week. my associate pastor and his son were on the trip with us. watching them serve together was moving and humbling. they wept over ailing widows and rejoiced with old friends. my dear friend Cara was on the trip with me. she is a beautiful girl with a sweet heart that has been through a lot. it has been hard to watch the hurt, but some healing came this week that i was able to rejoice in. Sam, Brandon, and Jason, (the three other members on our tiny team) were all such joys to get to know and love. i will not forget how surprisingly well we all meshed together.
i guess i should do some summing up. in short, Haiti was black coffee in the morning. it was rain in the afternoons. it was two little girls walking hand-in-hand down a flooded street. it was a woman smiling in the face of death. it was motivation to live more simply. it was incredible love. it was silent prayers for peace and provision. it was the faithful and the broken. it was grace and freedom.
so yeah. debriefing.
finally, i was reminded of the importance of prayer. especially the listening part of prayer. it is so great to be able to talk to God. but it is even better to know that He listens and that He responds.
the Haitian people are so stunning. they have faith in spite of their numerous afflictions. they have joy-so much joy that they seems to spit in the face of their sufferings saying: "look! i have a light you cannot put out!" they really, truly believe that God is on their side. that is an incredible lesson that i have definitely not learned completely. i wish i could describe every person that i met and cultivated relationships with. but that would honestly be a whole novel.
the people that were on the team with me were just breathtakingly beautiful. God did some great things in their hearts and it was so amazing to watch that happen/be apart of it. my youth pastor went and (as usual) it was great to be able to talk with him all week. my associate pastor and his son were on the trip with us. watching them serve together was moving and humbling. they wept over ailing widows and rejoiced with old friends. my dear friend Cara was on the trip with me. she is a beautiful girl with a sweet heart that has been through a lot. it has been hard to watch the hurt, but some healing came this week that i was able to rejoice in. Sam, Brandon, and Jason, (the three other members on our tiny team) were all such joys to get to know and love. i will not forget how surprisingly well we all meshed together.
i guess i should do some summing up. in short, Haiti was black coffee in the morning. it was rain in the afternoons. it was two little girls walking hand-in-hand down a flooded street. it was a woman smiling in the face of death. it was motivation to live more simply. it was incredible love. it was silent prayers for peace and provision. it was the faithful and the broken. it was grace and freedom.
so yeah. debriefing.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
a dull ache. the explanation.
missing camp this year has snuck up on me.
last year, the day i got home from camp, i missed it.
the feeling was vehement and real and then subsided into anticipation for camp the next summer.
this year, the day i got home from camp, i was relieved.
i missed the routine, i guess. but i didn't feel it.
the word miss is derived from an old english word missan. missan is failing to hit. when we fail to hit something, we lack that thing or have avoided the target.
so missing something means you lack something you once had.
you probably know all of this, but it's good to be reminded what words mean.
anyway, i didn't miss camp right away. camp this summer was different for me, as most of you know, so what i was lacking didn't become evident right away.
being here has slowly shown me all that i had this summer.
the situations i've been in, the people i've come in contact with, and the opportunities i've had to share have shown me just how rich this summer really was. and just how much i really love camp.
all this to say, the process of me missing camp is completely reverse of last year. it's started tame, and become more and more violent.
the anticipation hasn't come, because i don't know if i'm working next year (that's a whole different adventure.)
so anyway, how does this apply to you?
well friend, whether you know it or not, your heart is aching. it could be a violent ache. it could be a dull one that you're so used to you don't notice.
whatever it is, it's because something is lacking.
you're missing something.
ultimately, we're missing heaven and perfect unity with our maker.
however, there are things that we miss that can be recovered.
i don't know if this makes any sense to you, but i would encourage you to examine what you're missing. and if it's worth missing. and if it can be found again.
Monday, August 27, 2012
thirty two/thirty three
thirty two/journal entry from the beach with Jen
(July 30th, 2012)
...God promises "peace like a river" in the end [of Isaiah]. I could not help but think of the coursing waters of the Tennessee River. It is so powerful and beautiful. It's life-giving and it never stops. It cradles those that are upon it and it snuggles with Chattanooga. God's going to give us peace like that.
hallelujah.
thirty three
(this is a snippet of a larger idea that will be expounded upon someday)
an expiring flashbulb in the skies
the bright street lamps and my blinking eyes
the asphalt shifting below a thousand tires
and the smoke rising from the forest fires
this drought of my heart now plaintively crying for rain
expected satisfaction when the thunder came
your arms held me close, but no showers did pour
instead my heart was left as parched as before
(July 30th, 2012)
...God promises "peace like a river" in the end [of Isaiah]. I could not help but think of the coursing waters of the Tennessee River. It is so powerful and beautiful. It's life-giving and it never stops. It cradles those that are upon it and it snuggles with Chattanooga. God's going to give us peace like that.
hallelujah.
thirty three
(this is a snippet of a larger idea that will be expounded upon someday)
an expiring flashbulb in the skies
the bright street lamps and my blinking eyes
the asphalt shifting below a thousand tires
and the smoke rising from the forest fires
this drought of my heart now plaintively crying for rain
expected satisfaction when the thunder came
your arms held me close, but no showers did pour
instead my heart was left as parched as before
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
thirty one/reasons
so here's the deal, I didn't write a thirty one.
rats.
I had a spotless record until the week after I got home from camp.
It makes sense to me though. The summer was so hard and long and draining. When I got home, I just wanted to detox by unpacking and doing laundry and laying in my driveway in the sun at noon and hiking with Joe and getting coffee by myself.
Things like that helped me process everything.
So I guess I'm okay with not having an official "thirty one".
This summer, Bethany, Jamie, and I were going separate ways. We wanted to do something that would tie us together. So we were supposed to ask ourselves, weekly, why we believed in God. The reasons, as expected, varied from week to week.
Here's a list of reasons why I believe in God:
-the childlike faith of the Haitian people
-I see His wisdom in my campers
-God is our Father and He is good, He is good, He is good
-He swallowed up death forever
-He can use any fumbled, sleepy words I say for His purposes
-He works through the broken hearted
-If you ask, you will receive because He remains faithful to you
-The incredibly powerful ocean and incredibly powerful forgiveness
Why do you believe in God?
rats.
I had a spotless record until the week after I got home from camp.
It makes sense to me though. The summer was so hard and long and draining. When I got home, I just wanted to detox by unpacking and doing laundry and laying in my driveway in the sun at noon and hiking with Joe and getting coffee by myself.
Things like that helped me process everything.
So I guess I'm okay with not having an official "thirty one".
This summer, Bethany, Jamie, and I were going separate ways. We wanted to do something that would tie us together. So we were supposed to ask ourselves, weekly, why we believed in God. The reasons, as expected, varied from week to week.
Here's a list of reasons why I believe in God:
-the childlike faith of the Haitian people
-I see His wisdom in my campers
-God is our Father and He is good, He is good, He is good
-He swallowed up death forever
-He can use any fumbled, sleepy words I say for His purposes
-He works through the broken hearted
-If you ask, you will receive because He remains faithful to you
-The incredibly powerful ocean and incredibly powerful forgiveness
Why do you believe in God?
Sunday, August 19, 2012
twenty nine/ thirty
journal entries from cedar lake camp
twenty nine
(July 10th 2012)
...the crickets fill the quiet night with a plaintive song. the hushed voices of children harmonize with the night music. camp is so perfect most of the time, but especially nights like this:
-nights that are cool because of the rain that fell during the day.
-nights full of the sound of Chad strumming and singing beautiful little songs written from a young heart.
-nights where the words "I'll miss you" keep running through my head.
...
-nights when the sandaled feet of my kindred companions are resting on the wooden porch.
-nights when the rocking chairs are empty.
-nights when the birds are hushed.
-nights when the stars are tucked in a blanket of clouds.
perfection seems to sprout out of these moments. reminding the young to have hope, that life can always be beautiful, and that they are wildly loved by an untamed God.
yes.
thirty
(June 12th 2012)
in Isaiah 53, it talks about how Christ was afflicted like us.
(June 15th 2012)
how He carried our afflictions and burdens and sorrows. if I believe that, then it makes me wonder if Christ ever suffered from [the consequences of] misplacing His affections. If He ever loved someone He could not ever tell He loved. If His heart ever wanted and longed for a person who could never be His.
yikes. that's so far-fetched.
but it makes you wonder.
...
Is. 53:3-7
vs. 4 "Surely He has borne our grief and carried our sorrow..."
twenty nine
(July 10th 2012)
...the crickets fill the quiet night with a plaintive song. the hushed voices of children harmonize with the night music. camp is so perfect most of the time, but especially nights like this:
-nights that are cool because of the rain that fell during the day.
-nights full of the sound of Chad strumming and singing beautiful little songs written from a young heart.
-nights where the words "I'll miss you" keep running through my head.
...
-nights when the sandaled feet of my kindred companions are resting on the wooden porch.
-nights when the rocking chairs are empty.
-nights when the birds are hushed.
-nights when the stars are tucked in a blanket of clouds.
perfection seems to sprout out of these moments. reminding the young to have hope, that life can always be beautiful, and that they are wildly loved by an untamed God.
yes.
thirty
(June 12th 2012)
in Isaiah 53, it talks about how Christ was afflicted like us.
(June 15th 2012)
how He carried our afflictions and burdens and sorrows. if I believe that, then it makes me wonder if Christ ever suffered from [the consequences of] misplacing His affections. If He ever loved someone He could not ever tell He loved. If His heart ever wanted and longed for a person who could never be His.
yikes. that's so far-fetched.
but it makes you wonder.
...
Is. 53:3-7
vs. 4 "Surely He has borne our grief and carried our sorrow..."
Thursday, June 2, 2011
C'est La Vie
I just read this post and I couldn't help but smile.
That was the first of two summers I've had to exist without having Jenny here. Which let me tell you...it's pretty tough to have fun without her.
It's exciting for me to think that I get to be with her at camp this summer.
I am leaving for Cedar Lake Camp on Monday. I won't be home for a month or so.
So this is probably the last time I'll post until then.
I cannot wait to see what this summer holds. I know that's trite to say, but I mean it.
Have a lovely summer.
Monday, June 8, 2009
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