summer debriefing project. week eight.

this past week was a retreat week, so it would be a bit silly for me to go day-by-day. most of the days were spent in the kitchen.
however, i will do a little overview sort of thing. this week was all about releasing the tension and stress of having campers. lots of trips to cookeville and to various coffee shops happened. lots of time was spent snuggle-bussing and laughing at the most ridiculous things. and lots of time was spent alone with just my thoughts and God's Word and a journal. it was an excellent week. it ended with quite a crazy GNO and dyeing my hair purple again. by the weekend, i felt rested and happy and content. except one thing.

that "one thing" creates a bit of a lengthy tangent that involves the fact i've been long-distance with david for almost 12 weeks now. instead of sharing the long story, i'm going to take the short route and just say that discontentedness has been a huge temptation/distraction for me this summer. that discontentedness kind of hit a climax saturday night and i didn't know what to do.  so i prayed for some wisdom and went to sleep.
yesterday i woke up with the same kind of frustrated sadness, but i wanted to be focused for church, so i prayed again. i often don't feel like prayers actually have power. of course, that is not true. but it's so easy to feel like i am just talking out loud to the air, instead of actually speaking to someone great and wonderful. the sermon at church was all about true repentance and what that looks like. it was such a eureka moment for me. i realized that i had been holding onto my discontent so tightly that it had become a sin that consumed my thoughts and pained my heart. the times i had confessed to God and asked for patience, my motives were all wrong. i often wanted to be forgiven or move on because i didn't want to be distracted from my campers or hurt my friends or affect david or anything like that. my reasons for turning to God were not correct. they were people/self-centered and not at all God-centered. this being said, i realized how much my discontent offends and hurts God and for THAT reason, turned to Him and confessed. the transformation of my weary heart into a joyful one was almost instant. it became so apparent that long-distance has been a blessing and i should rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign and loves me dearly.

anyway, that's basically what i learned all week. it just kind of came to the surface yesterday. and i praise God for that! it's been a marvelous couple days and i cannot wait to finish out my time here at camp strong and happy and content and rejoicing.
hallelujah.

i hope your heart is as full of thankfulness and joy as mine is.