Lost in an uncharted sea...

*disclaimer: this will probably be a rambling post. So yeah, prepare yourself*

My favorite thing to do on a rainy day is look at photography books. Today, in class, I was handed a stack by my teacher to look through. I forget sometimes what I can handle..not even what I can stomach, but more what I should and shouldn't look at. I guess my discernment is a little off. I looked at a book that was indeed, hard to stomach. The photos were "challenging" according to my teacher. I won't go into detail, but I will say that looking at those photos definitely sparked a fire in my mind. A fire to preserve the innocence factor I have in my art.
My photography teacher's favorite thing to do (it seems) is to ask his students what their work is trying to say. Usually, when he asks me this, I mumble something about youth or femininity or innocence. I somehow feel embarrassed by the fact that my work isn't "challenging" or "progressive". If you have seen my work, it is mostly of girls my age. My photos spread from simple portraits to conceptual productions, but most of them center around who my friends are...and just life. My work lacks what my teacher calls "tension". Which is okay. So much of photography (and most art)is created to "challenge" the viewers mind or push limits or dig to the "deeper" meaning. Simple photos of young girls cause them to look like dolls that are meant to be played with, as if girls are not humans at all. Conversely, women are portrayed as these strong, she-hulks are strong and in-control. Very few photographers hit a happy medium. They're so focused on being relative and finding meaning in everything, they lose the essence and life of what they're photographing. Many renowned artists that I have read about were tremendously disturbed. I read of their discontented lives and how they are always searching. Some couldn't cope with the living of life, so they ended it. All those factors can be seen in the darkness of their photographs.
I guess what I'm trying to point out is that most of the art that I see is not the art I want to create. I don't want to create something that haunts a person and makes the viewer's mind turn cartwheels. I want to create something that is thoughtful, feminine, and innocent. I want the light in me to be seen in my photographs. I want to explore all facets of femininity, good and bad, but in a tasteful way that leans towards innocent.

Um so yeah, now you know what I've had on my mind all day.
Mary Emily