August 22nd 2011.
I feel like my life is awful right now. even though I know it isn't. A flood of complaints continues to pour out my mouth while discontented thoughts collect like dust in my mind. I am lonely, jealous, and a bit heart-broken. Why? because.
I am wrong in the way I feel, but it seems like there's no turning back. the door of summer, oh glorious summer, is being slammed and locked behind me. What window is opening? is it a simple white-shuttered window opening to simple happiness? is it a lofty bay window opening to great ambitions? No. for now, all I see is the door of a damp crawl-space creaking open...and I know all I'll find inside is dark, filthy discontent.
How can I make the sweet smells of the past waft into the dingy present? How can I make the golden sunshine of summer break through this blackness?
maybe that's it.
maybe I don't need to focus "How can I"...
no. I need to release my white-knuckled grip on what I think is my own. and focus on "Lord You will."
Lord You will. How I wish, hope, pray I can believe it.
Lord You will.
*disclaimer: this is really from my journal, that's why the thoughts seem a bit intimate. but, I want to take it as a challenge, artistically and personally, to publish a journal entry every so often. I feel like it's a good thing to be able to accurately express what you're feeling in words. and it's an even better thing to be transparent. *
Mary Emily
I am going to be praying that God will surprise you with lovely blessings this semester. I hope it will be SO much more than you expect.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mrs. Mindy. you have no idea how much that encourages me!
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