Two

a wise man once said these words about the garden-children:

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mudpies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

how true those words are. I am a half-hearted creature, wand'ring through the wilderness trying to find what I am to do in this world.
my heart beats half a beat.
my blood is only half-pumped.
I am left half-alive because I do not know what is real life.
I am too busy covering my self with the muck around me to focus on the glory above me.
I am a little mouse, scuffling through the dusty cracks in walls to my filthy home.
I am a masked raccoon, scrambling from the light with someone's leftover rubbish in my mouth.
I am a scaled snake, slithering on the ground, eating dust.
I was not created to be this way.
I was created to be a whole-hearted human.
with full heartbeats that sound strong and true.
with a heart that steadily pumps blood through my veins, causing me to live in joy and majesty with my King.
all of this I know.
what I do not know and I am asking You now is,
how am I supposed to find the other half of this heart of mine?