December 14th, 2011
(I wrote this the day before my last final.)
I'm almost done with the worst semester of my life. I say that with complete and utter seriousness. This semester, more than anything, made me face my weakness. I cried more in the last three or so months than I have in the last three years. I've been incredibly lonely...I've given into my own temptations and lust. I've caused myself and my friends to stumble. I've been sad. terribly sad. Amongst all of this, I've been drawn closer to Christ than ever. Because I've been faced with my own neediness. I'm so needy. I need love. I need touch. I need people. I need purpose. I need sleep. I keep saying this about this semester- but God always provides. He has given me sweet times talking on the phone, road tripping, coffee timing, studying, dancing, with friends new and old, when I truly needed it...Taking 19 hours was a crazy thing to do. Beginning the semester thinking I could do it without my friends, family, and a Great God was positively insane. I have not been happy, but I have been reminded -through giggles, dried leaves, and poems-of the unending joy that I have in me and my Jesus. In spite of all dire circumstances.
So that's all...
Life will get better.
"Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows."
pg 42
The Great Divorce
C.S. Lewis
I love you.
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