please be kind if I'm a mess.

Oh dear.

Today has literally been the epitome of my whole semester.

I woke up super late because I forgot to turn my alarm on.

So then I began my process of denial.

Instead of leaping out of my bed and grabbing food to eat on the way to school, I slowly made myself breakfast and decided to skip my first two classes. I went to the post office and chatted with the workers (they basically know me by name because I've been there so often this semester). Then I got coffee and read Psalm 69. After giggling with Joe and Ruthie and watching people in capes and ninja masks, I actually went to a class. I drew for two hours and was, in general, very happy with my work. I spontaneously decided to go to McKay after that and indulged myself with books. There's nothing like that weird, dusty, smokey smell of a used book store. I'm extremely fond of it.

As I drove home through the rain and listened to the Milk Carton kids...

Reality slapped me in the face.
I quickly realized I had to go to work at ballet and I hadn't eaten a real meal since the morning. Then everything that's expected of me this week and next came flooding into my thoughts and pushed all the little happy things out of my brain through my ears.
Stress slowly sank in.

And then came panic.

As I drove to ballet, I called my mom and asked her to bring me food sometime so I didn't die.

As I was on the phone, I almost started crying. Now, don't get me wrong, I do have emotions. But I'm honestly not the type of person to cry everytime I'm upset. Not at all. But for the rest of the night, I walked (and danced) around with a lump in my throat, just waiting for the eruption.

Nothing came, thank goodness. The rehearsals went well.

But I realized as I was sitting amongst flower costumes with my friends that this is probably going to be my last Nutcracker for a while-if not ever. I'm so overwhelmed that I have not been enjoying it as I should. And that's enough to make me cry.

Oh well, such is life, right?

Here I am, at 10:30, drinking coffee and only halfway done with all that I need to get done tonight.

So the moral of this whole thing is-if you come in contact me within the next two weeks-give me a hug and a cup of coffee. Those are two things that I'll be needing.

p.s. title lyric