nostalgia

nos·tal·gia   [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
noun
1.
a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for her camp days.

the usual

drinking coffee
reminiscing
listening to this

if you do what you do

just a picture today.


title song

come swiftly and run

Bring a torch, Jeanette, Isabella
Bring a torch, come swiftly and run
Christ is born tell the folk of the village
Jesus is sleeping in the manger
Ah, ah, beautiful is the mother
Ah, ah, beautiful is her Son.

Hasten now good folk of the village
Hasten now the Christ-child to see
You will find Him asleep in the manger
Quietly come and whisper softly
Hush, hush, peacefully now He slumbers
Hush, hush, peacefully now He sleeps.

crazy. cray cray. crazers.

just because life is too short to be too boring.
superlative adventures are always an option.
hilarious movies that are only funny to the people making them are a must.
absolutely awful and mostly embarrassing pictures should be taken.
abbreviating words is totes never a good idea. never. teriyaki.
getting "golden monkey tea" smell waved at me is hilarious.
hollister is terrifying.
Taco Bell is delicious. not.
malls are awful.
Jenny and I spent practically a whole day there.
but that's to be expected...because we're crazy.
Christmas Eve is tomorrow.
expect a sentimental post or something.

#life

There are some times when life is so vividly good, bad, or otherwise that you have to question: is this real?
The answer is twofold I think.
Yes, it's real. You're living life in the truest sense.
No, it's not real. You feel this way because you're getting a glimpse of eternity.
The first part of Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in man's heart..."
We were made for real life.

journal entry.

December 14th, 2011
(I wrote this the day before my last final.)
I'm almost done with the worst semester of my life. I say that with complete and utter seriousness. This semester, more than anything, made me face my weakness. I cried more in the last three or so months than I have in the last three years. I've been incredibly lonely...I've given into my own temptations and lust. I've caused myself and my friends to stumble. I've been sad. terribly sad. Amongst all of this, I've been drawn closer to Christ than ever. Because I've been faced with my own neediness. I'm so needy. I need love. I need touch. I need people. I need purpose. I need sleep. I keep saying this about this semester- but God always provides. He has given me sweet times talking on the phone, road tripping, coffee timing, studying, dancing, with friends new and old, when I truly needed it...Taking 19 hours was a crazy thing to do. Beginning the semester thinking I could do it without my friends, family, and a Great God was positively insane. I have not been happy, but I have been reminded -through giggles, dried leaves, and poems-of the unending joy that I have in me and my Jesus. In spite of all dire circumstances.
So that's all...
Life will get better.

"Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows."
pg 42
The Great Divorce
C.S. Lewis

a few late-night thoughts

I've said it over and over again, here and everywhere else: God provides exactly what you need. With finals taking over my life and the bittersweet taste of Nutcracker in my mouth, I spent much of today wondering why I even study. I became overwhelmed with the fact that I don't want to study or take tests or anything. I really just want to sit with friends and really enjoy their company-instead of having a small, mean-spirited, nagging ghost called "Exams" haunting me. I have a huge exam tomorrow. I was thinking about going to bed and just calling it a day, but something, I think my conscience, kicked in and shook me by the shoulders (figuratively, of course. it may be late, but I don't think I'm quite that insane) and said "Mary Emily Vatt. Study. You have the power and wisdom and peace of an eternal God in you. Don't fret. Just do what you do and He'll do what He does in you."

Crazy right?

God provides weird "Aha!" moments when you need them.

He also provides good phone parties, study parties, and gluten free finals snacks.
I am continuously and eternally blessed with the kindness of my friends. I just can't wait until I can completely enjoy them.
Oh well. Time to study some more.

nutcracker madness

Nutcracker is:

Glitter.

Giggles.

Sniffling during snow scene because it's all so beautiful and this is your last year.

Balling backstage because you realize how much you adore the whole thing.

Snow. Throwing it. Stealing it. Watching Rhonda clean it up.

Lots of Rhonda jokes.

Taking pictures of the same people over again so that other people get the idea it's a four man show.

Fighting with my pretend little brother Fritz who's actually a girl named Gracie.

Going back to see my little cherubs and angels and being asked preposterous questions. My favorite was "Are you really a flower?"

Threatening to do crazy things with Amanda during school show. Only to giggle and realize that we never will do said crazy things.

Aching Feet.

Butch and Jimmy. The living legends.

Ohhh Nutcracker. How I love you. How I'll miss you. How I wish I could just think about you all the time instead of working on finals.
Bleck.

weights.

I don't lift weights. I am much too weak.

I have a beautiful, powerful Father that does that for me. He is infinitely strong.

Realizing that has been hard and it's hurt a little bit.

But I have been grown.

And I'm sure trees hurt a little bit when they grow.

Therefore, I am just experience the things I should as a little tree, growing in grace and righteousness.

The photograph is titled "prodigal". The sculpture is "prodigal son" by an artist who I didn't get the name of and therefore I feel bad. Oh well.

No One's Slate is Clean

Listen.

Today is:

Morning car accidents-don't worry I'm fine. My poor Zachary (my car) isn't.

Courtney Marie serenading me with her best album yet.

Geometric sweaters.

A cold cold walk with a dear friend.

Drawing loneliness.

Rain.

Studying

Cinnamon Dole Latte, Espresso, and Earl Grey Tea.

Panera and Starbucks in one day.

Brotherly encouragement. I am so grateful for my dear brothers.

Tired, exasperated giggles.

An Aussie in Panera explaining to his American girlfriend/wife/fiance 's family how to pronounce "Aussie". Adorable.

Soup twice in one day.

More Studying.

Reading encouraging Psalms and chapters of Isaiah. There is nothing as restoring as reading the Bible.

More Studying.

The Pulley

When God at first made man,

Having a glass of blessings standing by,

“Let us,” said he, “pour on him all we can.

Let the world’s riches, which dispersèd lie,

Contract into a span.”

So strength first made a way;

Then beauty flowed, then wisdom, honour, pleasure.

When almost all was out, God made a stay,

Perceiving that, alone of all his treasure,

Rest in the bottom lay.

“For if I should,” said he,

“Bestow this jewel also on my creature,

He would adore my gifts instead of me,

And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature;

So both should losers be.

“Yet let him keep the rest,

But keep them with repining restlessness;

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to my breast.”

-George Herbert.

please be kind if I'm a mess.

Oh dear.

Today has literally been the epitome of my whole semester.

I woke up super late because I forgot to turn my alarm on.

So then I began my process of denial.

Instead of leaping out of my bed and grabbing food to eat on the way to school, I slowly made myself breakfast and decided to skip my first two classes. I went to the post office and chatted with the workers (they basically know me by name because I've been there so often this semester). Then I got coffee and read Psalm 69. After giggling with Joe and Ruthie and watching people in capes and ninja masks, I actually went to a class. I drew for two hours and was, in general, very happy with my work. I spontaneously decided to go to McKay after that and indulged myself with books. There's nothing like that weird, dusty, smokey smell of a used book store. I'm extremely fond of it.

As I drove home through the rain and listened to the Milk Carton kids...

Reality slapped me in the face.
I quickly realized I had to go to work at ballet and I hadn't eaten a real meal since the morning. Then everything that's expected of me this week and next came flooding into my thoughts and pushed all the little happy things out of my brain through my ears.
Stress slowly sank in.

And then came panic.

As I drove to ballet, I called my mom and asked her to bring me food sometime so I didn't die.

As I was on the phone, I almost started crying. Now, don't get me wrong, I do have emotions. But I'm honestly not the type of person to cry everytime I'm upset. Not at all. But for the rest of the night, I walked (and danced) around with a lump in my throat, just waiting for the eruption.

Nothing came, thank goodness. The rehearsals went well.

But I realized as I was sitting amongst flower costumes with my friends that this is probably going to be my last Nutcracker for a while-if not ever. I'm so overwhelmed that I have not been enjoying it as I should. And that's enough to make me cry.

Oh well, such is life, right?

Here I am, at 10:30, drinking coffee and only halfway done with all that I need to get done tonight.

So the moral of this whole thing is-if you come in contact me within the next two weeks-give me a hug and a cup of coffee. Those are two things that I'll be needing.

p.s. title lyric

Give Reviving

"It's one of a kind. A moment captured should be treasured. Let's treasure this."-Jessica (about above photograph-taken in a blanket fort at Chatt State...)

Today is:

Advent

The Lord's Day

My long lost ipod being found (hooray!)

Nutcracker chaos

Realizing that I'm an "older girl" now. How strange.

A little boy in the pew in front of us girls doing funny hand dances.

Stifling giggles

Gluten-free pizza

Peppermint ice cream

Drawing drawing drawing

Preparing myself for my last full week of school of this semester.

Ah. 5 little days left. Then 6 little finals.

both my eyes are fading

Tonight is:

Almost getting sick from the smell of lacquer thinner

Having paint and ink and graphite and charcoal all over myself

Fleet Foxes, Ray LaMontagne and The Civil Wars

Drawing without a real clue what it all means

Popcorn

Purple sweatshirt that says "Life is a series of ups and downs"

Sniffles

Dry coughs

Cranberry Sierra Mist

Open windows

How to transfer images with lacquer thinner:

You can use any image, just know that the older the image and heavier the paper, the less likely it's going to work. (also, note that the transferred image is going to be a mirror of the original-so words with be backwards and such). Place the image face down on the surface you want to transfer it to. Apply lacquer thinner (the fumes are awful, so make sure to do this outside or with lots of ventilation). Rub with back of spoon or a burnishing tool. The effect is sort of a cool, sketchy looking image. (You can kind of see it in the top photograph)

p.s. title lyric

so find your monster, don't tell your friends

I have been faced with the monstrosity of man recently. From reading "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift (a man who didn't hate man, but hated the inhumanity of man to fellow man) to watching a documentary/doing a speech on the LRA, my thoughts have been shaken.

Man can be a monster.

It makes me lift my eyes to the grey expanse above me and say "Why?"

I don't know why.

I'm not supposed to know why.

All I'm supposed to know is that I was a monster.

I'm also supposed to know that I was healed and set free from that Monstrous me a long time ago.

And now, I am not a monster, but a Redeemer.

I'm supposed to know that I am appointed to redeem the earth and all that's within it.

So apathy is not an option.

Acting, speaking, praying, living, loving, and reaching are my only options.

I would encourage you to know that you are a monster as well. But, I hope, you have also been or can be freed from that. Instead of being a Destroyer, you can be a Redeemer.

So act, speak, pray, live, love, and reach!

That's what has been on my mind lately.

Just wanted to share.

p.s. the title is a lyric from this song.